r people who have forgotten how tender their own
sensibilities once were are rather fond of cracking jokes, and make
tactless, pointed remarks. The old friend of the family who slaps the
prospective suitor on the back, and in the lady's presence challenges
him to kiss her under the mistletoe, only succeeds in making them both
uncomfortable. The elderly relative who nods her cap, saying: "Oh yes,
we know all about it! We were young ourselves once!" probably has the
best intentions, but has chosen the worst way of showing them.

{25}

CHAPTER III

_Intercourse between Unconfessed Lovers--The Question of
Presents--Exchange of Hospitality--The Man who lives at Home--The Man
in Rooms._

Unconfessed Lovers.

There is a fascinating, yet withal tormenting, insecurity in the
intercourse preceding an actual Declaration of Love. It may be the
ante-chamber to an earthly paradise. It may but prove to be a fool's
paradise. George Eliot describes two of her characters as being "in
that stage of courtship which makes the most exquisite moment of
youth, the freshest blossom-time of passion--when each is sure of the
other's love and all its mutual divination, exalting the most trivial
word, the slightest gesture into thrills delicate and delicious as
wafted jasmine scent."

It may be that he has some honourable reason to forbid his speaking
when he would. He may fear to lose her altogether if he is too hasty.
Possibly there is another man in the case. She may be revelling in the
new joy of life without analysing its source. If she has faced the
secret of her own heart she will mount guard over herself lest word or
look should betray her, before he has told her that she does not love
in vain.

Breaches of Etiquette.

When a man finds that his attentions are unwelcome, and a woman has
used every means in her power, short of actual rudeness, to show him
that she does not desire his nearer acquaintance, he has no right to
force himself or his love upon her. He has no right to make sure of
any woman's love before he has asked her for it, unless, of course,
she has {26} betrayed herself by an unwomanly want of reticence. It is
both foolish and ill-bred for him to play the part of dog-in-the-manger
and to object to her receiving attentions from any one else. Until he
has declared himself he can assume no control over the disposal of her
favours, still less should he stoop to put a spoke in another man's
wheel.

The Que