oing
for now?' That's awful, Alyosha. I can't endure such questions. Who dare
ask me such questions?"

"Brother," interposed Alyosha--his heart sank with terror, but he still
seemed to hope to bring Ivan to reason--"how could he have told you of
Smerdyakov's death before I came, when no one knew of it and there was no
time for any one to know of it?"

"He told me," said Ivan firmly, refusing to admit a doubt. "It was all he
did talk about, if you come to that. 'And it would be all right if you
believed in virtue,' he said. 'No matter if they disbelieve you, you are
going for the sake of principle. But you are a little pig like Fyodor
Pavlovitch, and what do you want with virtue? Why do you want to go
meddling if your sacrifice is of no use to any one? Because you don't know
yourself why you go! Oh, you'd give a great deal to know yourself why you
go! And can you have made up your mind? You've not made up your mind.
You'll sit all night deliberating whether to go or not. But you will go;
you know you'll go. You know that whichever way you decide, the decision
does not depend on you. You'll go because you won't dare not to go. Why
won't you dare? You must guess that for yourself. That's a riddle for
you!' He got up and went away. You came and he went. He called me a
coward, Alyosha! _Le mot de l'enigme_ is that I am a coward. 'It is not
for such eagles to soar above the earth.' It was he added that--he! And
Smerdyakov said the same. He must be killed! Katya despises me. I've seen
that for a month past. Even Lise will begin to despise me! 'You are going
in order to be praised.' That's a brutal lie! And you despise me too,
Alyosha. Now I am going to hate you again! And I hate the monster, too! I
hate the monster! I don't want to save the monster. Let him rot in
Siberia! He's begun singing a hymn! Oh, to-morrow I'll go, stand before
them, and spit in their faces!"

He jumped up in a frenzy, flung off the towel, and fell to pacing up and
down the room again. Alyosha recalled what he had just said. "I seem to be
sleeping awake.... I walk, I speak, I see, but I am asleep." It seemed to
be just like that now. Alyosha did not leave him. The thought passed
through his mind to run for a doctor, but he was afraid to leave his
brother alone: there was no one to whom he could leave him. By degrees
Ivan lost consciousness completely at last. He still went on talking,
talking incessantly, but quite incoherently, and even articulated h