d for his father and
that he might kill him, and whether he had heard it, for instance, at
their last meeting before the catastrophe, Alyosha started as he answered,
as though only just recollecting and understanding something.

"I remember one circumstance now which I'd quite forgotten myself. It
wasn't clear to me at the time, but now--"

And, obviously only now for the first time struck by an idea, he recounted
eagerly how, at his last interview with Mitya that evening under the tree,
on the road to the monastery, Mitya had struck himself on the breast, "the
upper part of the breast," and had repeated several times that he had a
means of regaining his honor, that that means was here, here on his
breast. "I thought, when he struck himself on the breast, he meant that it
was in his heart," Alyosha continued, "that he might find in his heart
strength to save himself from some awful disgrace which was awaiting him
and which he did not dare confess even to me. I must confess I did think
at the time that he was speaking of our father, and that the disgrace he
was shuddering at was the thought of going to our father and doing some
violence to him. Yet it was just then that he pointed to something on his
breast, so that I remember the idea struck me at the time that the heart
is not on that part of the breast, but below, and that he struck himself
much too high, just below the neck, and kept pointing to that place. My
idea seemed silly to me at the time, but he was perhaps pointing then to
that little bag in which he had fifteen hundred roubles!"

"Just so," Mitya cried from his place. "That's right, Alyosha, it was the
little bag I struck with my fist."

Fetyukovitch flew to him in hot haste entreating him to keep quiet, and at
the same instant pounced on Alyosha. Alyosha, carried away himself by his
recollection, warmly expressed his theory that this disgrace was probably
just that fifteen hundred roubles on him, which he might have returned to
Katerina Ivanovna as half of what he owed her, but which he had yet
determined not to repay her and to use for another purpose--namely, to
enable him to elope with Grushenka, if she consented.

"It is so, it must be so," exclaimed Alyosha, in sudden excitement. "My
brother cried several times that half of the disgrace, half of it (he said
_half_ several times) he could free himself from at once, but that he was
so unhappy in his weakness of will that he wouldn't do it ... that he