n himself. Two
extremes, gentlemen of the jury, remember that Karamazov can contemplate
two extremes and both at once.

"We have looked in the house, but we haven't found the money. It may still
be there or it may have disappeared next day and be in the prisoner's
hands now. In any case he was at her side, on his knees before her, she
was lying on the bed, he had his hands stretched out to her and he had so
entirely forgotten everything that he did not even hear the men coming to
arrest him. He hadn't time to prepare any line of defense in his mind. He
was caught unawares and confronted with his judges, the arbiters of his
destiny.

"Gentlemen of the jury, there are moments in the execution of our duties
when it is terrible for us to face a man, terrible on his account, too!
The moments of contemplating that animal fear, when the criminal sees that
all is lost, but still struggles, still means to struggle, the moments
when every instinct of self-preservation rises up in him at once and he
looks at you with questioning and suffering eyes, studies you, your face,
your thoughts, uncertain on which side you will strike, and his distracted
mind frames thousands of plans in an instant, but he is still afraid to
speak, afraid of giving himself away! This purgatory of the spirit, this
animal thirst for self-preservation, these humiliating moments of the
human soul, are awful, and sometimes arouse horror and compassion for the
criminal even in the lawyer. And this was what we all witnessed then.

"At first he was thunderstruck and in his terror dropped some very
compromising phrases. 'Blood! I've deserved it!' But he quickly restrained
himself. He had not prepared what he was to say, what answer he was to
make, he had nothing but a bare denial ready. 'I am not guilty of my
father's death.' That was his fence for the moment and behind it he hoped
to throw up a barricade of some sort. His first compromising exclamations
he hastened to explain by declaring that he was responsible for the death
of the servant Grigory only. 'Of that bloodshed I am guilty, but who has
killed my father, gentlemen, who has killed him? Who can have killed him,
_if not I_?' Do you hear, he asked us that, us, who had come to ask him
that question! Do you hear that phrase uttered with such premature
haste--'if not I'--the animal cunning, the naivete, the Karamazov impatience
of it? 'I didn't kill him and you mustn't think I did! I wanted to kill
him, gent