of clocks and lamps and stationery cases and knives and forks
and other trinkets and gewgaws, none of which appeared to me at all
different from similar objects in shop windows.

However, the greatest admiration and wonderment were expressed by all
who entered, and I found that the host was under grave apprehensiveness
that the presents might be looted by the more unscrupulous of the
guests, for he pointed out to me a sharp-eyed, shy gentleman in a
corner, who, he informed me, was a disguised police-officer. This, at
first, I was loth to believe, but was assured that it was a necessary
precaution.

Still, I will presume to point out that the simulation by a policeman of
the ordinary character of a friend of the family and fellow-rejoicer, is
a rather reprehensible trap to catch a sleeping weasel, since those
whose honesty is not invariably above par may be lulled into the false
security by his civilian get-up. And I did assure him, privately, that
it was totally unnecessary to keep an eye on myself, who was a native
University man with no necessity or natural taste for peculation, but
that I would infallibly inform him if I should succeed at detecting any
attempted dishonesty.

Later I was ushered into the refreshment-room, and partook of a pink
ice, with champagne-wine and strawberries, after which I entreated leave
of Mrs ALLBUTT-INNETT to deliver a nuptial oration. And she, overjoyed
at my happy thought, did loudly request silence for Prince JABBERJEE,
who was to utter a few very brief utterances.

So as they became all ears, I addressed them, describing how, in my
native country, at such a bridal feast and blow-out, it was customary
for the bridegroom's mother to eat a sevenfold repast, for fear of a
subsequently empty stomach; but the bride's mother, on the contrary,
will touch nothing, feeling that the more she fasts then, the more
provender will fall to her later on. And I facetiously added that, on
the present occasion, I had the certainty that both the mothers might
indulge their appetites _ad libitum_.

Next I recounted how, during a former boyish wedding of my own, my
wife's mother after, as was befitting, setting a conical tinselled cap
upon my head, and placing ten rings of twigs upon my ten fingers, and
binding my hands with a weaver's shuttle, did say, "I have bound thee,
and bought thee with cowries, and put a shuttle between thy fingers; now
bleat then like a lamb." Whereupon I, being of a jokish