affection, but both of us were shy of showing our
feelings or speaking of them. Often when walking together after
night-fall we would put our arms about each other. Sometimes,
too, when sleeping together we would lie in close contact, and my
friend once suggested that I put my legs against his. He
frequently begged me to spend the night with him; but I began to
fear my feelings, and slept with him but seldom. We neither of us
had any definite ideas about homosexual relations, and, apart
from what I have related above, we had no further contact with
each other. A few months after our amorous feelings had developed
my friend died. His death caused me great distress, and my
naturally religious temperament began to manifest itself quite
strongly. At this time, too, I first read some writings of Mr.
Addington Symonds, and certain allusions in his work, coupled
with my recent experience, soon stirred me to a full
consciousness of my inverted nature.

"About eight months after my friend's death I happened to meet in
a strange town a youth of about my own age who exerted upon me a
strong and instant attraction. He possessed a refined, handsome
face, was gracefully built, and, though he was rather
undemonstrative, we soon became fast friends.

"We were together only for a few days, when I was obliged to
leave for my home, and the parting caused me great unhappiness
and depression. A few months after we spent a vacation together.
One day during our trip we went swimming, and undressed in the
same bathhouse. When I saw my friend naked for the first time he
seemed to me so beautiful that I longed to throw my arms about
him and cover him with kisses. I kept my feelings hidden,
however, hardly daring to look at him for fear of being unable to
restrain my desires. Several times afterward, in his room, I saw
him stripped, with the same effect upon my emotions. Until I had
seen him naked my feelings for him were not of a physical
character, but afterward I longed for actual contact, but only by
embraces and kisses. Though he was fond of me, he had absolutely
no amorous longings for me, and being a simple, pure-minded
fellow, would have loathed me for mine and my inverted nature. I
was careful never to let him discover it, and I was made very
unhappy when he confided that he was in love wit