"In spite of what has been said above, I do not believe that I
was sexually very precocious, and even now I feel that more
pleasure would ensue from merely contemplating than from personal
contact with the object of my amorous attentions.

"As I grew older there came, of course, an undefined physical
longing, but it was the _beauty_ of those I admired which mainly
appealed to me. At the time of puberty I spontaneously acquired
the habit of masturbation. Once while bathing I found that a
pleasant feeling came with touching the sexual organs. It was not
long before I was confirmed in the habit. At first I practised it
but seldom, but afterward much more frequently (say, once a
week), though at times months have elapsed without any
indulgences on my part. I have only had erotic dreams three or
four times in my life. The masturbation habit I regard as
morally reprehensible and have made many resolutions to break it,
but without avail. It affords me only the most momentary
satisfaction, and is always followed by remorseful scruples.

"I have never in my life had any sexual feeling for a woman, nor
any sexual connection with any woman whatsoever. The very thought
of such a thing is excessively repugnant and disgusting to me.
This is true, apart from any moral considerations, and I do not
think I could bring myself to it. I am not attracted by young
women in any way. Even their physical beauty has little or no
charm for me, and I often wonder how men can be so affected by
it. On the other hand, I am not a woman-hater, and have several
strong friends of the opposite sex. They are, however, women
older than myself, and our friendship is based solely on certain
intellectual or esthetic tastes we have in common.

"I have had practically no physical relations with men; at any
rate, none specifically sexual. Once, when about 19 or 21, I
started to embrace a beautifully formed youth with whom I was
sleeping, but timidity and scruples got the better of my
feelings, and, as my bedfellow was not amorously inclined toward
me, nothing came of it. A few years after this I became strongly
attached to a friend whom I had already known for several years.
Circumstances threw us very much together during one summer. It
was now that I felt for the first time the full shock of love. He
returned my