n in us to require the same from others? But there are many reasons
for our taking grief on us. The first is from the opinion of some evil, on
the discovery and certainty of which grief comes of course. Besides, many
people are persuaded that they are doing something very acceptable to the
dead when they lament bitterly over them. To these may be added a kind of
womanish superstition, in imagining that when they have been stricken by
the afflictions sent by the gods, to acknowledge themselves afflicted and
humbled by them is the readiest way of appeasing them. But most men appear
to be unaware what contradictions these things are full of. They commend
those who die calmly, but they blame those who can bear the loss of
another with the same calmness, as if it were possible that it should be
true, as is occasionally said in love speeches, that any one can love
another more than himself. There is, indeed, something excellent in this,
and, if you examine it, something no less just than true, that we love
those who ought to be most dear to us as well as we love ourselves; but to
love them more than ourselves is absolutely impossible; nor is it
desirable in friendship that I should love my friend more than myself, or
that he should love me so; for this would occasion much confusion in life,
and break in upon all the duties of it.

XXX. But we will speak of this another time: at present it is sufficient
not to attribute our misery to the loss of our friends, nor to love them
more than, if they themselves could be sensible of our conduct, they would
approve of, or at least not more than we do ourselves. Now as to what they
say, that some are not at all appeased by our consolations; and moreover
as to what they add, that the comforters themselves acknowledge they are
miserable when fortune varies the attack and falls on them,--in both these
cases the solution is easy: for the fault here is not in nature, but in
our own folly; and much may be said against folly. But men who do not
admit of consolation seem to bespeak misery for themselves; and they who
cannot bear their misfortunes with that temper which they recommend to
others, are not more faulty in this particular than most other persons;
for we see that covetous men find fault with others who are covetous; as
do the vain-glorious with those who appear too wholly devoted to the
pursuit of glory. For it is the peculiar characteristic of folly to
perceive the vices of others, but