our MAJESTY that the
communications o' Your MAJESTY'S douce and honest liege subjecks shall
nae mair be denoted by the appellation o' Plain English, but shall, wi'
fit an' due regard to justice an' propriety o' diction, be designated as
Braid Scotch.

Your Petitioners lastly humbly request Your MAJESTY that, gin Your
MAJESTY shall be mindit to hae a decimal coinage, ye wad be sae gude as
to order an' provide that there shall be ane braw bright glitterm bit
chinkie amang the coppers to be ca'd a bawbee.

_And your Petitioners as in duty bound will ever bray, &c._

* * * * *

THE GOOSE CLUBS.

Our eyes are again edified by the announcement so familiar to us at this
season--"A GOOSE CLUB HELD HERE." We really should like to have a set of
the rules of one or more of these Clubs, for we are puzzled to think
what amount of goosedom can be a qualification for membership. Surely
the Peace Society people must be honorary members for life of every
Goose-Club in the kingdom, if merit has its reward, and admittance to a
Goose-Club is to be obtained by personal gooseishness, or a
corresponding amount of quackery. We have heard that the manager of a
certain highly patronised theatre has consulted his solicitor upon the
advertisement of a Goose-Club near Oxford Street, with the view of
ascertaining whether the word goose is meant to apply to himself in a
libellous manner. The legal sage not being prepared, the Goose question
is in abeyance.

* * * * *

REVIEWING.

The review of a young girl's life is frequently like any other review--a
quantity of smoke, and noise, with here and there a red coat seen
through it.

* * * * *

BAD NEWS FOR THE PEACE SOCIETY.

Although we have lost the Hero of a Hundred Fights we are promised a
Sovereign of a thousand _mils_.

* * * * *

A PAPER WAR.--Some monarchs fight for gold; but the CZAR and the SULTAN
are at war about notes.

* * * * *

LETTERS FROM THE BOSPHORUS.

MR. WILLIAM TAYLOR, _of Her Majesty's Bomb, the Thunder_, _to_ MRS.
WILLIAM TAYLOR _of Wapping Wall_.

[Illustration: V]

Vell, u see, Polly, ve wos a getting sicker and sicker of lyin' in
Besicker Bay, wen ve got our sailin' horders, an cum here has fast has
we could drive to help the Muzzlehims. And a rummer lot than them
Muzzlehims, hi never set hies on. Fo