Served up in a decanter like a vinegar-cruet,
As a "bottle of Madeira" this will in the bill be set,
And however nasty it may be a nice sum you're in debt
To the fine old English Innkeeper, one of the olden time.

And if your wife be with you, you must have a private room,
And use a pair of "wax-lights" (with a muttony perfume),
For which you'll pay a crown a day, and 'tis a burning shame
That whether they be lit or not they're charged for just the same
By this rare old English Innkeeper, one of the olden time.

But soon these fine old Innkeepers will find their race is run,
For men are up and doing, and no longer will be done:
And shortly we may hope to see a really good hotel,
Where we may be admitted, and not taken in as well,
As we were by our old Innkeeper, one of the fleecing time.

* * * * *

THE STARVED-OUT COMMISSION OF SEWERS.

Everybody is attacking the unfortunate Commissioners of Sewers, who are
said to be standing still with their hands in their pockets, and who
reply that they are obliged to stand still because they have nothing in
their pockets but their hands. It is true their hands seem to get very
deeply into the public pocket occasionally, but however large the sum
that may be extracted, the cry of the Commissioners is "We have no
funds." If a neighbourhood, thirsty for a good, wholesome fall of water,
applies to the Commissioners, their answer is "We can't stand a dram."
Their song is always to one tune, and that is the tune of "_I've no
Money_."

I've no money! so you see
Nothing can be done by me;
I own it to my sorrow;
But if I were rich, you'd see
Wonders would be done by me;
So call again to-morrow.

The fact is that the Commissioners of Sewers have such grand ideas that
execution is impossible. The imagination of the Commissioners riots in
such a sea of sullage, that nothing short of an arched avalanche of
refuse water presents itself to the minds of the functionaries who will
not stoop to anything short of an aqueduct, and consequently have souls
above the making of a common useful drain. Everything must be on such a
scale of grandeur, that unless London can be altogether excavated a few
serviceable pipes cannot be laid down. We are quite willing to admit the
difficulties of the position of the Commissioners with all the sewage of
London on their hands, and some people feel naturally tempted to thr