m up by Hand clustered
around the melodeon and sang, "Oh, where is my Boy to-night?"

After the Day Coach had pulled away from the Depot, he opened the Shoe-
Box to extract a Crull and found a Book written by T. DeWitt Talmage,
in which many Passages were marked.

He arrived at Union Station with his Fingers crossed. He told himself
that he would break into a Dog Trot every time Vice beckoned to him.
After he had hung up his Diploma and Razor Strop in the third-story
Recess of a very naughty Beanery, he hunted up some of the dear old
Pals with whom he had bunked in the Dorm.

They told him they would put him next to a lot of nice clean People.
He began to tremble, fearing that some one was about to offer him
Champagne, but the Orgy to which they conducted him was merely a
meeting of the Civic Purifiers in a basement underneath a Church.
He had not expected to find any Churches in the great wicked City. He
thought each side of the Street would be built up solidly with
Syndicate Theatres, Bacchanalian Bazaars, and Manicure Pitfalls.

Instead of finding Vice triumphant, he learned that it was being chased
up an Alley by the entire Police Force and the Federation of Women's
Clubs.

He had the gift of Gab and a natural thirst for Tea, and the first
thing he knew he had been drawn into so many Campaigns for Social
Betterment that he had no time to hunt up conventional Temptations,
such as the Welsh Rabbit or the Musical Comedy.

He found himself sitting next to a new type of Lassie. She had no
Heels on her Shoes, pronounced each Syllable distinctly, and believed
that her Mission in Life was to carry Maeterlinck to the Masses.

In nearly every Instance she had a Father who acted as frozen
Figurehead for some Trust Company.

Consequently, Elmer began to perk up and serve on Committees which met
in Exclusive Homes and were entirely surrounded by Mahogany.

Whenever an Intellectual Queen pushed the Button, Elmer was right there
with a Pitcher of Ice Water.

His Researches had proved to him that one of the Keenest Enjoyments of
City Life is to remain away from the glaring Lobster Palace, especially
when one can get one's Mallard Duck free of charge in a Flat renting
for $6000 a Year.

Elmer became identified with the Cleaning Brigade of the Reform Element
simply by riding on the Current of Events.

Adapting himself unconsciously to his antisepticized Environment, he
acquired the Art of putting over the saccharine