Single Torment
ever since Sumter was fired upon, asked in a sepulchral Tone and
without looking up from his Hand, "Has the Date been set?"

Ferdinand tried to tell them that he was going to the Altar and not to
the Electric Chair, but he couldn't get a single Slap on the Back.

The only one evincing Interest was a He-Hen named Herbert, who took him
into the Cloak-Room to plant a few Canadian Thistles in the Garden of
Love.

Herb said he had always liked the Girl, even if she had given a couple
of his Best Pals the Whillykathrow.

His Advice was to up and marry her before she had time to pull one of
her temperamental Stunts and hand out the Rinkaboo.

Possibly if she could be weaned away from her eccentric Relations and
governed with a Firm Hand she would turn out O. K..

Still, it was a tall Gamble. Under the Circumstances, he didn't see
that there was anything for Ferdinand to do except mop up a few Drinks
and hope for the Best.

When Ferdy looked at himself in the Mirror at Midnight, he didn't know
whether he was Engaged or merely operating under a Suspended Sentence.

Next morning he had to bare his Soul to the Head of the Firm. This
revered Fluff should have been known as Mr. Yes-But.

He was strong for the Married State, but it was highly advisable to
have the Girl analyzed by a Chemist and passed upon by a Board of
Experts before a Bid was submitted.

The Sunflower Paths of Dalliance were leading mostly to Reno, Nevada,
and the Article commonly known as Love was merely a disinclination to
continue eating Breakfast alone.

He said a Good Woman was a Jewel, but if one of them got a fair Run and
Jump at a Check-Book she could put the National City Bank on the Hummer.
Probably it was all right to go ahead, and take the High Hurdle, but
the Percentage was against the Candidate, and the Cost of Living was
never so altitudinous.

Ferdinand retired from the Royal Presence feeling that he had been duly
authorized to walk a Tight Rope over Niagara Falls.

As soon as the Bride-Elect had taken enough Headache Powders to prepare
her for the Ordeal, she sent for the Suspect to come up to the House
and outline his Defense.

They put in a humid Evening. When the falling Tears had made the
Drawing-Room too soppy for further use, they moved into the Hallway and
he continued to think up Alibis.

At 11 P. M. he had explained Everything, repudiated many lifelong
Friendships, deodorized his College Career, flouted