a
supply of cabbage: on his declining, the Duchess good-humouredly
remarked, "Why, boiled beef and 'greens' seem so naturally to go
together, I wonder you don't take it." To which the honest farmer
objected, "Ah, but your Grace maun alloo it's a vary _windy_ vegetable,"
in delicate allusion to the flatulent quality of the esculent. Similar
to this was the naive answer of a farmer on the occasion of a rent-day.
The lady of the house asked him if he would take some "rhubarb-tart," to
which he innocently answered, "Thank ye, mem, I dinna _need_ it."

A Highland minister, dining with the patroness of his parish, ventured
to say, "I'll thank your leddyship for a little more of that
apple-tart;" "It's not apple-tart, it's rhubarb," replied the lady.
"Rhubarb!" repeated the other, with a look of surprise and alarm, and
immediately called out to the attendant, "Freend, I'll thank you for
a dram."

A characteristic _table_ anecdote I can recall amongst Deeside
reminiscences. My aunt, Mrs. Forbes, had entertained an honest Scotch
farmer at Banchory Lodge; a draught of ale had been offered to him,
which he had quickly despatched. My aunt observing that the glass had no
head or effervescence, observed, that she feared it had not been a good
bottle, "Oh, vera gude, maam, it's just some strong o' the aaple," an
expression which indicates the beer to be somewhat sharp or pungent. It
turned out to have been a bottle of _vinegar_ decanted by mistake.

An amusing instance of an old Scottish farmer being unacquainted with
table refinements occurred at a tenant's dinner in the north. The
servant had put down beside him a dessert spoon when he had been helped
to pudding. This seemed quite superfluous to the honest man, who
exclaimed, "Tak' it awa, my man; my mou's as big for puddin' as it is
for kail."

Amongst the lower orders in Scotland humour is found, occasionally,
very rich in mere children, and I recollect a remarkable illustration of
this early native humour occurring in a family in Forfarshire, where I
used in former days to be very intimate. A wretched woman, who used to
traverse the country as a beggar or tramp, left a poor, half-starved
little girl by the road-side, near the house of my friends. Always ready
to assist the unfortunate, they took charge of the child, and as she
grew a little older they began to give her some education, and taught
her to read. She soon made some progress in reading the Bible, and the
native od