racting attention from some of the
less grave members of the congregation. He came to his place, however,
rather quickly, on Mr. Shirra quietly remonstrating, "O man, will ye sit
doun, and we'll see your new breeks when the kirk's dune." This same Mr.
Shirra was well known from his quaint, and, as it were, parenthetical
comments which he introduced in his reading of Scripture; as, for
example, on reading from the 116th Psalm, "I said in my haste all men
are liars," he quietly observed, "Indeed, Dauvid, my man, an' ye had
been i' this parish ye might hae said it at your leisure."

There was something even still more pungent in the incidental remark of
a good man, in the course of his sermon, who had in a country place
taken to preaching out of doors in the summer afternoons. He used to
collect the people as they were taking air by the side of a stream
outside the village. On one occasion he had unfortunately taken his
place on a bank, and fixed himself on an _ants' nest_. The active habits
of those little creatures soon made the position of the intruder upon
their domain very uncomfortable; and, afraid that his audience might
observe something of this discomfort in his manner, he apologised by the
remark--"Brethren, though I hope I have the word of God in my mouth, I
think the deil himself has gotten into my breeks."

There was often no doubt a sharp conflict of wits when some of these
humorist ministers came into collision with members of their flocks who
were _also_ humorists. Of this nature is the following anecdote, which I
am assured is genuine:--A minister in the north was taking to task one
of his hearers who was a frequent defaulter, and was reproaching him as
a habitual absentee from public worship. The accused vindicated himself
on the plea of a dislike to long sermons. "'Deed, man," said the
reverend monitor, a little nettled at the insinuation thrown out against
himself, "if ye dinna mend, ye may land yersell where ye'll no be
troubled wi' mony sermons either lang or short." "Weel, aiblins sae,"
retorted John, "but _that_ mayna be for want o' ministers."

An answer to another clergyman, Mr. Shireff, parochial minister of St.
Ninian's, is indicative of Scottish and really clever wit. One of the
members of his church was John Henderson or Anderson--a very decent
douce shoemaker--and who left the church and joined the Independents,
who had a meeting in Stirling. Some time afterwards, when Mr. Shireff
met John