ie," said Mr. Craigie, good
humouredly, "anybody that was not a fool would know that it is a
horse-shoe." "Ah!" said Jamie, with affected simplicity, "what it is to
be wise--to ken it's no a meer's shoe!"

On another occasion, when all the country-side were hastening to the
Perth races, Jamie had cut across the fields and reached a bridge near
the town, and sat down upon the parapet. He commenced munching away at a
large portion of a leg of mutton which he had somehow become possessed
of, and of which he was amazingly proud. The laird came riding past, and
seeing Jamie sitting on the bridge, accosted him:--"Ay, Fleeman, are ye
here already?" "Ou ay," quoth Fleeman, with an air of assumed dignity
and archness not easy to describe, while his eye glanced significantly
towards the mutton, "Ou ay, ye ken a body when he _has anything_."

Of witty retorts by half-witted creatures of this class, I do not know
of one more pointed than what is recorded of such a character who used
to hang about the residence of a late Lord Fife. It would appear that
some parts of his lordship's estates, were barren, and in a very
unproductive condition. Under the improved system of agriculture and of
draining, great preparations had been made for securing a good crop in a
certain field, where Lord Fife, his factor, and others interested in the
subject, were collected together. There was much discussion, and some
difference of opinion, as to the crop with which the field had best be
sown. The idiot retainer, who had been listening unnoticed to all that
was said, at last cried out, "Saw't wi' factors, ma lord; they are sure
to thrive everywhere."

There was an idiot who lived long in Lauder, and seems to have had a
great resemblance to the jester of old times. He was a staunch
supporter of the Established Church. One day some one gave him a bad
shilling. On Sunday he went to the Seceders' meeting-house, and when the
ladle was taken round he put in his bad shilling and took out
elevenpence halfpenny. Afterwards he went in high glee to the late Lord
Lauderdale, calling out, "I've cheated the Seceders the day, my lord;
I've cheated the Seceders."

Jemmy had long harboured a dislike to the steward on the property, which
he made manifest in the following manner:--Lord Lauderdale and Sir
Anthony Maitland used to take him out shooting; and one day Lord
Maitland (he was then), on having to cross the Leader, said, "Now,
Jemmy, you shall carry me through