ars! how she will read off
hand!

Sir LUCIUS
Faith, she must be very deep read to write this way--though she is
rather an arbitrary writer too--for here are a great many poor words
pressed into the service of this note, that would get their _habeas
corpus_ from any court in Christendom.

LUCY
Ah! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you!

Sir LUCIUS
Oh, tell her I'll make her the best husband in the world, and Lady
O'Trigger into the bargain!--But we must get the old gentlewoman's
consent--and do every thing fairly.

LUCY
Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n't rich enough to be so nice!

Sir LUCIUS
Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it:--I am so poor, that I can't
afford to do a dirty action.--If I did not want money, I'd steal your
mistress and her fortune with a great deal of pleasure.--However, my
pretty girl, [Gives her money] here's a little something to buy you a
ribbon; and meet me in the evening, and I'll give you an answer to
this. So, hussy, take a kiss beforehand to put you in mind. [Kisses
her.]

LUCY
O Lud! Sir Lucius--I never seed such a gemman! My lady won't like you
if you're so impudent.

Sir LUCIUS
Faith she will, Lucy!--That same--pho! what's the name of
it?--modesty--is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than
liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether Sir Lucius ever gave you a
kiss, tell her fifty--my dear.

LUCY
What, would you have me tell her a lie?

Sir LUCIUS
Ah, then, you baggage! I'll make it a truth presently.

LUCY
For shame now! here is some one coming.

Sir LUCIUS
Oh, faith, I'll quiet your conscience! [Exit, humming a tune.]

[Enter FAG.]

FAG
So, so, ma'am! I humbly beg pardon.

LUCY
O Lud! now, Mr. Fag--you flurry one so.

FAG
Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by--so a little less simplicity, with a
grain or two more sincerity, if you please.--You play false with us,
madam.--I saw you give the baronet a letter.--My master shall know
this--and if he don't call him out, I will.

LUCY
Ha! ha! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen are so hasty.--That letter was
from Mrs. Malaprop, simpleton.--She is taken with Sir Lucius's address.

FAG
How! what tastes some people have!--Why, I suppose I have walked by her
window a hundred times.--But what says our young lady? any message to
my master?

LUCY
Sad news. Mr. Fag.--A worse rival than Acres! Sir Anthony Absolute has
proposed his son.

FAG
What, Captain Absolute?

LUCY
Even so--I