l I desire.
Not that I think a woman the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if you
please to recollect, you before hinted something about a hump or two,
one eye, and a few more graces of that kind--now, without being very
nice, I own I should rather choose a wife of mine to have the usual
number of limbs, and a limited quantity of back: and though one eye may
be very agreeable, yet as the prejudice has always run in favour of
two, I would not wish to affect a singularity in that article.

Sir ANTHONY
What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, sirrah, you're an anchorite!--a vile,
insensible stock. You a soldier!--you're a walking block, fit only to
dust the company's regimentals on! Odds life! I have a great mind to
marry the girl myself!

ABSOLUTE
I am entirely at your disposal, sir: if you should think of addressing
Miss Languish yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the aunt; or
if you should change your mind, and take the old lady--'tis the same to
me--I'll marry the niece.

Sir ANTHONY
Upon my word, Jack, thou'rt either a very great hypocrite, or--but,
come, I know your indifference on such a subject must be all a lie--I'm
sure it must--come, now--damn your demure face!--come, confess
Jack--you have been lying, ha'n't you? You have been playing the
hypocrite, hey!--I'll never forgive you, if you ha'n't been lying and
playing the hypocrite.

ABSOLUTE
I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty which I bear to you should be
so mistaken.

Sir ANTHONY
Hang your respect and duty! But come along with me, I'll write a note
to Mrs. Malaprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Her eyes shall
be the Promethean torch to you--come along, I'll never forgive you, if
you don't come back stark mad with rapture and impatience--if you
don't, egad, I will marry the girl myself!

[Exeunt.]

* * * * * * *

Scene II--JULIA's Dressing-room.
[FAULKLAND discovered alone.]

FAULKLAND
They told me Julia would return directly; I wonder she is not yet come!
How mean does this captious, unsatisfied temper of mine appear to my
cooler judgment! Yet I know not that I indulge it in any other point:
but on this one subject, and to this one subject, whom I think I love
beyond my life, I am ever ungenerously fretful and madly capricious! I
am conscious of it--yet I cannot correct myself! What tender honest joy
sparkled in her eyes when we met! how delicate was the warmth of her
expression! I was ashamed to appear less happy--though