d a moment to give all the
information in my power to a lady so deeply interested in the affair as
you are.

LYDIA
But quick! quick sir!

FAG
True, ma'am, as you say, one should be quick in divulging matters of
this nature; for should we be tedious, perhaps while we are flourishing
on the subject, two or three lives may be lost!

LYDIA
O patience!--Do, ma'am, for Heaven's sake! tell us what is the matter?

Mrs. MALAPROP
Why, murder's the matter! slaughter's the matter! killing's the
matter!--but he can tell you the perpendiculars.

LYDIA
Then, prithee, sir, be brief.

FAG
Why, then, ma'am, as to murder--I cannot take upon me to say--and as to
slaughter, or manslaughter, that will be as the jury finds it.

LYDIA
But who, sir--who are engaged in this?

FAG
Faith, ma'am, one is a young gentleman whom I should be very sorry any
thing was to happen to--a very pretty behaved gentleman! We have lived
much together, and always on terms.

LYDIA
But who is this? who! who! who?

FAG
My master, ma'am--my master--I speak of my master.

LYDIA
Heavens! What, Captain Absolute!

Mrs. MALAPROP
Oh, to be sure, you are frightened now!

JULIA
But who are with him, sir?

FAG
As to the rest, ma'am, this gentleman can inform you better than I.

JULIA
[To DAVID.] Do speak, friend.

DAVID
Look'ee, my lady--by the mass! there's mischief going on. Folks don't
use to meet for amusement with firearms, firelocks, fire-engines,
fire-screens, fire-office, and the devil knows what other crackers
beside!--This, my lady, I say, has an angry savour.

JULIA
But who is there beside Captain Absolute, friend?

DAVID
My poor master--under favour for mentioning him first. You know me, my
lady--I am David--and my master of course is, or was, Squire Acres.
Then comes Squire Faulkland.

JULIA
Do, ma'am, let us instantly endeavour to prevent mischief.

Mrs. MALAPROP
O fy! it would be very inelegant in us:--we should only participate
things.

DAVID
Ah! do, Mrs. Aunt, save a few lives--they are desperately given,
believe me.--Above all, there is that bloodthirsty Philistine, Sir
Lucius O'Trigger.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Sir Lucius O'Trigger? O mercy! have they drawn poor little dear Sir
Lucius into the scrape?--Why how you stand, girl! you have no more
feeling than one of the Derbyshire petrifactions!

LYDIA
What are we to do, madam?

Mrs. MALAPROP
Why, fly with the utmost felicity, to be sure, to prevent
mischief!--Here, f