lame--they think our admiration of beauty so great, that knowledge
in them would be superfluous. Thus, like garden-trees, they seldom show
fruit, till time has robbed them of the more specious blossom.--Few,
like Mrs. Malaprop and the orange-tree, are rich in both at once!

Mrs. MALAPROP
Sir, you overpower me with good-breeding.--He is the very pine-apple of
politeness!--You are not ignorant, captain, that this giddy girl has
somehow contrived to fix her affections on a beggarly, strolling,
eaves-dropping ensign, whom none of us have seen, and nobody knows
anything of.

ABSOLUTE
Oh, I have heard the silly affair before.--I'm not at all prejudiced
against her on that account.

Mrs. MALAPROP
You are very good and very considerate, captain. I am sure I have done
everything in my power since I exploded the affair; long ago I laid my
positive conjunctions on her, never to think on the fellow again;--I
have since laid Sir Anthony's preposition before her; but, I am sorry
to say, she seems resolved to decline every particle that I enjoin her.

ABSOLUTE
It must be very distressing, indeed, ma'am.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Oh! it gives me the hydrostatics to such a degree.--I thought she had
persisted from corresponding with him; but, behold, this very day, I
have interceded another letter from the fellow; I believe I have it in
my pocket.

ABSOLUTE
[Aside.] Oh, the devil! my last note.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Ay, here it is.

ABSOLUTE
[Aside.] Ay, my note indeed! O the little traitress Lucy.

Mrs. MALAPROP
There, perhaps you may know the writing. [Gives him the letter.]

ABSOLUTE
I think I have seen the hand before--yes, I certainly must have seen
this hand before----

Mrs. MALAPROP
Nay, but read it, captain.

ABSOLUTE
[Reads.] _My soul's idol, my adored Lydia!_--Very tender, indeed!

Mrs. MALAPROP
Tender! ay, and profane too, o' my conscience.

ABSOLUTE
[Reads.] _I am excessively alarmed at the intelligence you send me, the
more so as my new rival_----

Mrs. MALAPROP
That's you, sir.

ABSOLUTE
[Reads.] _Has universally the character of being an accomplished
gentleman and a man of honour._--Well, that's handsome enough.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Oh, the fellow has some design in writing so.

ABSOLUTE
That he had, I'll answer for him, ma'am.

Mrs. MALAPROP
But go on, sir--you'll see presently.

ABSOLUTE
[Reads.] _As for the old weather-beaten she-dragon who guards you_--Who
can he mean by that?

Mrs. MALAPROP
Me, s