adn't
been by at the cooking, I wish I may die if I should have known the
dish again myself! [Exit.]

ACRES
[Practising a dancing-step.] Sink, slide--coupee.--Confound the first
inventors of cotillions! say I--they are as bad as algebra to us country
gentlemen--I can walk a minuet easy enough when I am forced!--and I
have been accounted a good stick in a country-dance.--Odds jigs and
tabors! I never valued your cross-over to couple--figure in--right and
left--and I'd foot it with e'er a captain in the county!--but these
outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillions are quite beyond me!--I
shall never prosper at 'em, that's sure--mine are true-born English
legs--they don't understand their curst French lingo!--their _pas_
this, and _pas_ that, and _pas_ t'other!--damn me! my feet don't like
to be called paws! no, 'tis certain I have most Antigallican toes!

[Enter SERVANT.]

SERVANT
Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger to wait on you, sir.

ACRES
Show him in.

[Exit SERVANT.]

[Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.]

Sir LUCIUS
Mr. Acres, I am delighted to embrace you.

ACRES
My dear Sir Lucius, I kiss your hands.

Sir LUCIUS
Pray, my friend, what has brought you so suddenly to Bath?

ACRES
Faith! I have followed Cupid's Jack-a-lantern, and find myself in a
quagmire at last.--In short, I have been very ill used, Sir Lucius.--I
don't choose to mention names, but look on me as on a very ill-used
gentleman.

Sir LUCIUS
Pray what is the case?--I ask no names.

ACRES
Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young
lady--her friends take my part--I follow her to Bath--send word of my
arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed
of.--This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill-used.

Sir LUCIUS
Very ill, upon my conscience.--Pray, can you divine the cause of it?

ACRES
Why, there's the matter; she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am
told, is now in Bath.--Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom
of it.

Sir LUCIUS
A rival in the case, is there?--and you think he has supplanted you
unfairly?

ACRES
Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly.

Sir LUCIUS
Then sure you know what is to be done!

ACRES
Not I, upon my soul!

Sir LUCIUS
We wear no swords here, but you understand me.

ACRES
What! fight him!

Sir LUCIUS
Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else?

ACRES
But he has given me no provocation.

Sir LUCIUS
Now, I think he has giv