et's all be friends even if we do
belong to the same family. What is it, Alex? Speak up like a man."

"Well," he says, "the Gaflooey people has started to make tourin' cars
and roadsters! What d'ye think of that?"

"I'm simply dumfounded!" I says. "Has Congress heard about this?"

"There you go again!" snorts Alex. "Always tryin' to ridicule
everything I do. It's simply a case of sour grapes with you--jealousy,
that's all!"

"Sour grapes ain't jealousy," I says. "Sour grapes is brandy. Go on
with your story, Alex."

"Don't mind him," whispers the wife in his ear. "He'd laugh in church!"

"Why not?" I says. "I ain't done no gigglin' since you and me first
went there together."

"Will you let go?" she says. "Go on, Alex."

"Well," he says, "they called me into the president's office to-day,
and the former begins by tellin' me I'm the best salesman they ever
had."

"He don't care what he says, does he?" I butts in. "I suppose you
admitted the charge, eh?"

"After that," goes on Alex, snubbin' me, "he tells me they have decided
to get into the pleasure car game, instead of just makin' trucks and
the like. Their first offerin' is gonna be one of them chummy,
clover-leaf roadsters which will hold five people comfortably."

"If they're well acquainted!" I says.

"Will you leave the boy alone?" asks the wife. "I never saw anybody
like you in my life!"

"Don't I know it?" I says. "Otherwise, how would we ever of got
married?"

"Now," goes on Alex, "they want me to go up and see Runyon Q. Sampson,
the well-to-do millionaire, and get him to buy the first car. You can
imagine what a terrible good advertisement that will be for us if he
should buy it, can't you?"

"It'll be O.K. till he tries to ride in it," I says, "and then the
chances are you'll have to leave town and the Gaflooey people will be
facin' a suit!"

"There ain't another car on the market that can hold a match to the
Gaflooey!" hollers Alex, his goat prancin' madly about.

"What's it made out of--celluloid?" I says.

"You may think you're funny!" he tells me, "but that's nothin' more or
less than ig'rance. Here I am wastin' valuable time tryin' to explain
somethin' to Cousin Alice and you keep interruptin' till a man don't
know where he's at! Let's see now, where was I?" he asks the wife.

"The beautiful and good-lookin' princess had just promised to wed you,"
I says, "but the crusty old king couldn't see into it!"

The wif