is
age in mistake for the price of the raincoat, you can tell him that if
I had forty-five bucks to hurl away like that I wouldn't wear no
raincoat. I wouldn't care if it rained or not!"

"It's one of the latest trench models," says the wife. "I got two of
them. One for myself."

"You and that lovely little Wilkinson will have to shoot craps for them
then!" I hollers. "I wouldn't let him take me for ninety bucks if--"

"They are both paid for long ago," smiles the wife, pinchin' my cheek,
and pullin' the smile that used to get her photo in the magazines. "I
give him a check last week!"

As unfortunately I am nothin' but human, I beat it before they was
violence and bloodshed. I was afraid to trust myself with speech, but
I managed to let off a little steam before I left by throwin' three
pillows and a Rumanian beer stein at Alex, havin' caught him grinnin'
at me like a idiot.

It was about six hours before I got back and my temper had failed to
improve with age, havin' had a rough day at the ball park. We played a
double-header with the Phillies and lost a even two games. Both the
scores sounded more like Rockefeller's income tax than anything else.
Iron Man Swain pitched the first game for us and before five innin's
had come and went, I found out that the only thing iron about him was
his nerve in drawin' wages as a pitcher. Everybody connected with the
Philly team but the batboy got a hit and from the way them guys run
around the bases it looked more like a six-day race than a ball game!

I sent in Red Mitchel to pitch the second half of the massacre, and all
he had was a boil on his arm. As far as his offerin's was concerned,
everybody on the Philly club could of been christened Home Run Baker.
When he throwed the ball on the clubhouse roof tryin' to get a guy
nappin' off first, lettin' in two extry runs instead, I went out to the
box and removed him by hand. Ed Raymond finished the game for us, and
he's so scared we might win it that he walks the first three men and
knocks the fourth guy cold with a inshoot. I didn't even stay to see
the finish--I had enough!

One of the features of the day was the work of this so-called "Second
Ty Cobb" at short. He come to bat eleven times in the two games and
got one hit. That was a left jab from the Philly first baseman which
got peeved at bein' called a liar and bounced one off the Second Ty
Cobb's ear. At fieldin' he made more errors than the Kaiser and