of givin' aid and
comfort to the breweries. Turn the gas out under the steak, be seated
and register attention--because maybe he _has_!

Scattered around all the department stores, coal mines, butcher shops,
the police force and banks, there's guys which can sing as well as
Caruso, lead a band better than Sousa, stand Dempsey on his ear, show
Rockefeller how to make money or teach Chaplin some new falls. Yet
these birds go through life on eighteen dollars every Saturday with
prospects, and never get their names in the papers unless they get
caught in a trolley smash-up. They're like a guy with the ice cream
concession at the North Pole. They got the goods, but what of it? As
far as the universe is concerned it's a secret--they're there with
chimes on, but nobody knows it but them!

Y'know this stuff about us all bein' neck and neck when we hit the
nursery may be true, but, believe me, some guys are born to run second!
They get off on the wrong foot, trailin' the leaders until the
undertaker stops the race. They plod through life takin' orders from
guys that don't know half as much about any given thing as they do;
they never get a crack at the big job or the big money, although
accordin' to Hoyle they got everything that's needed for both. Take
Joey Green who used to be so stupid at dear old college that the
faculty once considered givin' him education by injectin' it into his
dome with a hypodermic. At forty he comes back to the campus to make
'em a present of a few new buildin's out of last month's winnin's from
the cruel world. Where is Elbert Huntington, which copped all the
diplomas, did algebra by ear and was give medals for out-brainin' the
class? Where is _he_, teacher? And the echo chirps, "Workin' for Joey
Green, drawin' twenty a week and on the payroll as No. 543!"

The answer to this little thumb sketch is easy. Elbert Huntington had
brains and Joey Green had confidence. Elbert _expected_ to dumfound
the world with what he knew, and Joey _did_ dumfound it with what he
didn't. Now if Joseph made good with nothin' but nerve, what could a
guy do that had brains and nerve both?

I'll tell you.

After we won the world's series in 1914 and the dough had been divided
up to the satisfaction of everybody but the guys that was in on the
split, me and the wife had figured on one of them trips to Europe. You
prob'bly know the kind I mean, "$900 and up. Bus to hotel on fifth
morning out included."