For all the Scotch Lords who e'er blessed DUKE ARGYLL,
Pouring out all their spleen by the gallon--Scotch measure,
Could not poison JOHN BULL from his jolly frank smile,
When he says, "_Punch_, here's PAM!" and _Punch_ says, "JOHN,
with pleasure."

[_And they drink_ LORD PALMERSTON'S _health_.]

* * * * *

AN EXTREME TEST.

If you wish to ascertain the temper of a young lady, look at her nails,
and the tips of her gloves. If they are jagged and much bitten, you may
be sure she is peevish, irritable, quarrelsome, and too ready to show
her teeth at the smallest provocation. This is an infallible test that
every ill-tempered young lady carries at her finger's-ends. Do not
attempt to kiss such a young lady under the mistletoe.

* * * * *

PROBLEM FOR THE ROYAL INSTITUTION.

Can no chemist tell us how to obtain a solution of the Eastern
difficulty?

* * * * *

HOW TO SEE THE TEETH OF A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY.

Praise her rival before her face, and you may depend upon it, she will
soon show her teeth.

* * * * *

EQUESTRIAN ENTERTAINMENT.--The green-room of Drury Lane, all the time
the horses were there, was turned into a "_Salle a_ Manger."

* * * * *

[Illustration: REFINEMENT ON THE RANK.

_Accomplished Cabman._ "WILLIAM, VOOLY-VOO AQUA?"]

* * * * *

AN AMERICAN JOKE EXPLAINED.

We don't understand American institutions--that's a fact. We don't
understand the American Press; which is one of the greatest of those
institutions. Deficient in the sense of irony, we take the playful
abandonment--the jocose mystification--of the American newspapers as
simple statement. Hence multitudes of dull worthy people among us will
receive the _New York Tribune's_ account of the reception of the runaway
convict, MITCHELL, at New York as a prosaic and authentic narrative of
that event. Had GREENACRE, by some chance, escaped the gallows, they
will be inclined to think, he too would have been hailed with enthusiasm
and acclamation, as an accession to the worth and manhood of American
citizenship. For MITCHELL resembled the other chiefly in the
circumstance of not having been hanged. He was no mere political
non-conformist and unsuccessful opponent of the existing order of
things, vulgarly and technically