* * *

THE LOVELY YOUNG LAVINIA ONCE HAD FRIENDS, and would have preserved
them to this day, if, when she had them to dinner she had abstained
from giving them deleterious compounds, which made them drop her
acquaintance, and had caused them to drink the Sparkling Pale Ale,
sold by &c.

* * *

THE TIMES NEWSPAPER HAS STOPPED--Yes, and we hope it will continue
to stop the mouth of many an impudent pretender, especially any one,
should he arise, who should pretend that BUGGINS'S Patent Warming
Pans are not one-third cheaper, two-thirds handier, three-thirds
neater, and four-thirds lighter than any other. To be had at &c.

* * *

YOUR WIFE HAS BOLTED.--She has indeed bolted the front door,
thinking that you are not coming home to-night. But you will return,
and the poor thing will be roused from her first sleep, and have to
come down in the cold to let you in, for as for waking that EMMA,
you might as well try to arouse LORD ABERDEEN to a sense of the
honour of England. Why, then, not save your wife's health by
furnishing your door with one of TUMBLER AND CO.'S Latch Locks? To
be seen in action at &c.

* * *

GREAT FIRE IN THE PALACE.--"And a very good one, too," as Her
Majesty was graciously pleased to remark, desiring H. R. H. the
PRINCE OF WALES to let the poker alone, as with Coals at two pounds
a ton, he must not be extravagant. Matrons of England, learn a
lesson of economy from the first Lady of the Land, and show that you
have done so by ordering your Coals at SLATES AND COMPANY, Whiteash
Wharf.

* * *

THE THAMES IS FROZEN OVER.--When this announcement is made, the next
thing will be that an Ox will be roasted whole on the ice. Without
approving a proceeding which is rather silly and usually a failure,
WOBBLES AND CO. must say, that their Patent Roasting Jacks (price
Eleven and Eightpence) will perform the feat, if any invention can,
and, in the meantime, will roast anything else, from a Plover to a
Pig.

* * *

NEVER GO TO A THEATRE, at least not without one of WINDUM'S Air
Cushions, which afford so luxurious a seat that you will be able to
enjoy most performances, and almost to endure the deathless Clown
without much annoyance.

* * *

MR. HARRISON AINSWORTH is quite well.--This circumstance will