ng the Porte slammed in his face.

* * * * *

A CHILDISH CONUNDRUM FOR LITTLE CHILDREN.

_Q._ Of what wood should a Christmas Tree be composed?

_A._ Of Box, and so make it a Christmas-Box Tree.

* * * * *

CHRISTMAS WAITS--for "The Good Time Coming, Boys,"--only we suppose
that, like us, Christmas must "wait a little longer."

* * * * *

WORDS! WORDS! WORDS!--Long words, like long dresses, frequently hide
something wrong about the understanding.

* * * * *

THE OLDEST NOTE OF INTERROGATION.--A note, asking you if you are engaged
on Christmas Day?

* * * * *

EXPERIENCE.--Women dislike talkative men: _they know how it's done_.

* * * * *

A LAZY HORSE.--The Pegasus of Genius seldom stirs without the spur of
necessity.

* * * * *

[Illustration: TERRIFIC SITUATION!

HEROINE OF DOMESTIC DRAMA PURSUED BY THE UNPRINCIPLED VILLIAN IS ABOUT
TO CAST HERSELF HEADLONG FROM A TREMENDOUS PRECIPICE!]

* * * * *

LIFE AND DEATH ASSURANCE.

Among our Provident Institutions are Life Assurance Societies for
Parents, which are Death Assurance Societies for Children. They are
otherwise called Coffin Clubs. They engage to find the money for the
coffin: the subscriber, father or mother, finds the occupant for it--by
murder.

The Grand Jury at the Liverpool Assizes has expressed its opinion that
the temptation thus afforded should be destroyed by law. That might be
done, perhaps, by prohibiting the club from paying anybody on account of
a death but the undertaker. But what need of such clubs at all?

Such clubs are necessary to protect the poor from being ruined by a
heavy expense. But why the heavy expense? When I have shuffled off this
mortal coil--what does it want, except to be put reverently underground?
Cannot that be done for a very small sum of money? Why is it not done on
reasonable terms? Simply because the mode of doing it is not reasonable.
Its performance is attended with a useless sacrifice of
furniture--necessitated by the tyranny of custom--to show what is
falsely termed "proper respect." Proper respect is affectionate
memory--not furniture.

Should I want "proper respect" to be shown to my leg, if I had the
misfortune to lose it, by having it enclosed