ter all, those women! A great deal of doctrine commends and
discommends itself by the delivery: and an honest thing may be said so
foolishly as to disprove its very honesty. Now after all, what did she
mean by that very silly expression about books, but that she did not
feel as she considered herself capable of feeling--and that else but
_that_ was the meaning of the other woman? Perhaps it should have been
spoken earlier--nay, clearly it should--but surely it was better
spoken even in the last hour than not at all ... surely it is always
and under all circumstances, better spoken at whatever cost--I have
thought so steadily since I could think or feel at all. An entire
openness to the last moment of possible liberty, at whatever cost and
consequence, is the most honourable and most merciful way, both for
men and women! perhaps for men in an especial manner. But I shall send
this letter away, being in haste to get change for it.

_R.B. to E.B.B._

Wednesday, December 31, 1845.

I have been properly punished for so much treachery as went to that
re-urging the prayer that _you_ would begin writing, when all the time
(after the first of those words had been spoken which bade _me_ write)
I was full of purpose to send my own note last evening; one which
should do its best to thank you: but see, the punishment! At home I
found a note from Mr. Horne--on the point of setting out for Ireland,
too unwell to manage to come over to me; anxious, so he said, to see
me before leaving London, and with only Tuesday or to-day to allow the
opportunity of it, if I should choose to go and find him out. So I
considered all things and determined to go--but not till so late did I
determine on Tuesday, that there was barely time to get to
Highgate--wherefore no letter reached you to beg pardon ... and now
this undeserved--beyond the usual undeservedness--this
last-day-of-the-Year's gift--do you think or not think my gratitude
weighs on me? When I lay this with the others, and remember what you
have done for me--I do bless you--so as I cannot but believe must
reach the all-beloved head all my hopes and fancies and cares fly
straight to. Dearest, whatever change the new year brings with it, we
are together--I can give you no more of myself--indeed, you give me
now (back again if you choose, but changed and renewed by your
possession) the powers that seemed most properly mine. I could only
mean that, by the ex