e said that was all
right, and so we blindfolded him, and made him take a bloody oath, with
his hand on a piece of ice that we told him was a piece of another corpse,
and then we took him out of the house and walked him around the block four
times, and left him on a corner, after he had promised to send the money
to an address that I gave him. We told him to stand still five minutes
after we left him, then remove the blindfold, and go home. We watched him,
from behind a board fence, and he took off the handkerchief, looked at the
name on a street lamp, and found he was not far from home. He started off
saying 'That's a pretty narrow escape old man. No more whisky for you.' I
did not see him again until this morning, and when I asked him where he
was last night he shuddered and said 'none of your darn business. But I
never drink any more, you remember that.' Ma was tickled and she told me I
was worth my weight in gold. Well, good day. That cheese is musty." And
the boy went and caught on a passing sleigh.

COL. INGERSOLL PRAYING.

Bob. Ingersoll is taking a rest from his persecutions of the Creator, and
is traveling in the Yo Semite region of California. Bob does not believe
there is a God, but if he was riding a kicking mule, down the precipice
near the big trees, and the saddle should turn over with him, and his foot
should be caught in the stirrup, after the mule had kicked him a few times
in the judgement seat, which is the bowels, in his case, he would be very
apt to bellow like a calf, and say "O, Lord, please unbuckle that cussed
strap." We should like to hear Bob had met with some such accident, just
so he would recognize the foreign government of the Lord, which at present
he totally ignores. Not that we have anything against Ingersoll.

HOW TO INVEST A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

A young man advertises in a Milwaukee paper for a partnership. He wants to
invest one thousand dollars in some established business. Go to La Crosse
and go to betting on election. It pays, and is an established business.
There's millions in it.

BOYS AND CIRCUSES.

There is one thing the American people have got to learn, and that is to
give scholars in schools a half holiday when there is a circus in town. We
know that we are in advance of many of the prominent educators of the
country when we advocate such a policy, but sooner or later the people
whose duty it is to superintend schools will learn that we are right, and
they will h