s some of Pa's darn smartness. I asked him if he knew anything
that would make a boy's moustache grow, and he told me the best thing he
ever tried was tar, and for me to rub it on thick when I went to bed, and
wash it off in the morning. I put it on last night, and by gosh I can't
wash it off. Pa told me all I had to do was to use a scouring brick, and
it would come off, and I used the brick, and it took the skin off, and the
tar is there yet, and say, does my lip look very bad?"

The grocery man told him it was the worst looking lip he ever saw, but he
could cure it by rubbing a little cayenne pepper in the tar. He said the
tar would neutralize the pepper, and the pepper would loosen the tar, and
act as a cooling lotion to the lacerated lip. The boy went to a can of
pepper behind the counter, and stuck his finger in and rubbed a lot of it
on his lip, and then his hair began to raise, and he began to cry, and
rushed to the water-pail and ran his face into the water to wash off the
pepper. The grocery man laughed, and when the boy had got the pepper
washed off, and had resumed his rutabaga, he said:

"That seals your fate. No man ever trifles with the feelings of the bold
buccanner of the Spanish main, without living to rue it. I will lay for
you, old man, and don't you forget it. Pa thought he was smart when he got
me to put tar on my lip, to bring my moustache out, and to-day he
lays on a bed of pain, and to-morrow your turn will come. You will regret
that you did not get down on your knees and beg my pardon. You will be
sorry that you did not prescribe cold cream for my bruised lip, instead of
cayenne pepper. Beware, you base twelve ounces to the pound huckster, you
gimlet-eyed seller of dog sausage, you sanded sugar idiot, you small
potato three card monte sleight of hand rotten egg fiend, you villain that
sells smoked sturgeon and dogfish for smoked halibut. The avenger is on
your track."

"Look here, young man, don't you threaten me, or I will take you by the
ear and walk you through green fields, and beside still waters to the
front door and kick your pistol pocket clear around so you can wear it for
a watch pocket in your vest. No boy can frighten me by crimus. But tell
me, how did you get even with your Pa?"

"Well, give me a glass of cider and we will be friends and I will tell
you. Thanks! Gosh, but that cider is made out of mouldy dried apples and
sewer water," and he took a handful of layer raisins off the