Theatre in London by the Stage Society on the 21st January, 1917,
with Lalla Vandervelde as The Lady, F. B.J. Sharp as Lord Augustus
Highcastle, and Charles Rock as Horatio Floyd Beamish.

AUGUSTUS DOES HIS BIT

The Mayor's parlor in the Town Hall of Little Pifflington. Lord Augustus
Highcastle, a distinguished member of the governing class, in the
uniform of a colonel, and very well preserved at forty-five, is
comfortably seated at a writing-table with his heels on it, reading The
Morning Post. The door faces him, a little to his left, at the other
side of the room. The window is behind him. In the fireplace, a gas
stove. On the table a bell button and a telephone. Portraits of past
Mayors, in robes and gold chains, adorn the walls. An elderly clerk with
a short white beard and whiskers, and a very red nose, shuffles in.

AUGUSTUS [hastily putting aside his paper and replacing his feet on the
floor]. Hullo! Who are you?

THE CLERK. The staff [a slight impediment in his speech adds to the
impression of incompetence produced by his age and appearance].

AUGUSTUS. You the staff! What do you mean, man?

THE CLERK. What I say. There ain't anybody else.

AUGUSTUS. Tush! Where are the others?

THE CLERK. At the front.

AUGUSTUS. Quite right. Most proper. Why aren't you at the front?

THE CLERK. Over age. Fifty-seven.

AUGUSTUS. But you can still do your bit. Many an older man is in the
G.R.'s, or volunteering for home defence.

THE CLERK. I have volunteered.

AUGUSTUS. Then why are you not in uniform?

THE CLERK. They said they wouldn't have me if I was given away with a
pound of tea. Told me to go home and not be an old silly. [A sense of
unbearable wrong, till now only smouldering in him, bursts into flame.]
Young Bill Knight, that I took with me, got two and sevenpence. I got
nothing. Is it justice? This country is going to the dogs, if you ask
me.

AUGUSTUS [rising indignantly]. I do not ask you, sir; and I will not
allow you to say such things in my presence. Our statesmen are the
greatest known to history. Our generals are invincible. Our army is
the admiration of the world. [Furiously.] How dare you tell me that the
country is going to the dogs!

THE CLERK. Why did they give young Bill Knight two and sevenpence, and
not give me even my tram fare? Do you call that being great statesmen?
As good as robbing me, I call it.

AUGUSTUS. That's enough. Leave the room. [He sits down and takes up his