t
some touches to his toilet.

The clerk returns, devotedly ushering a very attractive lady,
brilliantly dressed. She has a dainty wallet hanging from her wrist.
Augustus hastily covers up his toilet apparatus with The Morning Post,
and rises in an attitude of pompous condescension.

THE CLERK [to Augustus]. Here she is. [To the lady.] May I offer you a
chair, lady? [He places a chair at the writing-table opposite Augustus,
and steals out on tiptoe.]

AUGUSTUS. Be seated, madam.

THE LADY [sitting down]. Are you Lord Augustus Highcastle?

AUGUSTUS [sitting also]. Madam, I am.

TAE LADY [with awe]. The great Lord Augustus?

AUGUSTUS. I should not dream of describing myself so, Madam; but no
doubt I have impressed my countrymen--and [bowing gallantly] may I
say my countrywomen--as having some exceptional claims to their
consideration.

THE LADY [emotionally]. What a beautiful voice you have!

AUGUSTUS. What you hear, madam, is the voice of my country, which
now takes a sweet and noble tone even in the harsh mouth of high
officialism.

THE LADY. Please go on. You express yourself so wonderfully!

AUGUSTUS. It would be strange indeed if, after sitting on thirty-seven
Royal Commissions, mostly as chairman, I had not mastered the art
of public expression. Even the Radical papers have paid me the high
compliment of declaring that I am never more impressive than when I have
nothing to say.

THE LADY. I never read the Radical papers. All I can tell you is that
what we women admire in you is not the politician, but the man of
action, the heroic warrior, the beau sabreur.

AUGUSTUS [gloomily]. Madam, I beg! Please! My military exploits are not
a pleasant subject, unhappily.

THE LADY. Oh, I know I know. How shamefully you have been treated! what
ingratitude! But the country is with you. The women are with you. Oh, do
you think all our hearts did not throb and all our nerves thrill when
we heard how, when you were ordered to occupy that terrible quarry in
Hulluch, and you swept into it at the head of your men like a sea-god
riding on a tidal wave, you suddenly sprang over the top shouting "To
Berlin! Forward!"; dashed at the German army single-handed; and were cut
off and made prisoner by the Huns.

AUGUSTUS. Yes, madam; and what was my reward? They said I had disobeyed
orders, and sent me home. Have they forgotten Nelson in the Baltic?
Has any British battle ever been won except by a bold initiative? I say
not