ossession of a certain list
of gun emplacements?

AUGUSTUS [interrupting her somewhat loftily]. All that is perfectly well
known to this department, madam.

THE LADY [surprised and rather indignant]. Is it? Who told you? Was it
one of your German brothers-in-law?

AUGUSTUS [injured, remonstrating]. I have only three German
brothers-in-law, madam. Really, from your tone, one would suppose that
I had several. Pardon my sensitiveness on that subject; but reports are
continually being circulated that I have been shot as a traitor in
the courtyard of the Ritz Hotel simply because I have German
brothers-in-law. [With feeling.] If you had a German brother-in-law,
madam, you would know that nothing else in the world produces so strong
an anti-German feeling. Life affords no keener pleasure than finding a
brother-in-law's name in the German casualty list.

THE LADY. Nobody knows that better than I. Wait until you hear what
I have come to tell you: you will understand me as no one else could.
Listen. This spy, this woman--

AUGUSTUS [all attention]. Yes?

THE LADY. She is a German. A Hun.

AUGUSTUS. Yes, yes. She would be. Continue.

THE LADY. She is my sister-in-law.

AUGUSTUS [deferentially]. I see you are well connected, madam. Proceed.

THE LADY. Need I add that she is my bitterest enemy?

AUGUSTUS. May I--[he proffers his hand. They shake, fervently. From this
moment onward Augustus becomes more and more confidential, gallant, and
charming.]

THE LADY. Quite so. Well, she is an intimate friend of your brother at
the War Office, Hungerford Highcastle, Blueloo as you call him, I don't
know why.

AUGUSTUS [explaining]. He was originally called The Singing Oyster,
because he sang drawing-room ballads with such an extraordinary absence
of expression. He was then called the Blue Point for a season or two.
Finally he became Blueloo.

THE LADY. Oh, indeed: I didn't know. Well, Blueloo is simply infatuated
with my sister-in-law; and he has rashly let out to her that this list
is in your possession. He forgot himself because he was in a towering
rage at its being entrusted to you: his language was terrible. He
ordered all the guns to be shifted at once.

AUGUSTUS. What on earth did he do that for?

THE LADY. I can't imagine. But this I know. She made a bet with him
that she would come down here and obtain possession of that list and get
clean away into the street with it. He took the bet on condition that
she bro