.. A spy!... A woman!... Yes: brought it down with me. Do you suppose
I'm such a fool as to let it out of my hands? Why, it gives a list
of all our anti-aircraft emplacements from Ramsgate to Skegness. The
Germans would give a million for it--what?... But how could she possibly
know about it? I haven't mentioned it to a soul, except, of course, dear
Lucy... Oh, Toto and Lady Popham and that lot: they don't count: they're
all right. I mean that I haven't mentioned it to any Germans.... Pooh!
Don't you be nervous, old chap. I know you think me a fool; but I'm not
such a fool as all that. If she tries to get it out of me I'll have
her in the Tower before you ring up again. [The clerk returns.] Sh-sh!
Somebody's just come in: ring off. Goodbye. [He hangs up the receiver.]

THE CLERK. Are you engaged? [His manner is strangely softened.]

AUGUSTUS. What business is that of yours? However, if you will take the
trouble to read the society papers for this week, you will see that I am
engaged to the Honorable Lucy Popham, youngest daughter of--

THE CLERK. That ain't what I mean. Can you see a female?

AUGUSTUS. Of course I can see a female as easily as a male. Do you
suppose I'm blind?

THE CLERK. You don't seem to follow me, somehow. There's a female
downstairs: what you might call a lady. She wants to know can you see
her if I let her up.

AUGUSTUS. Oh, you mean am I disengaged. Tell the lady I have just
received news of the greatest importance which will occupy my entire
attention for the rest of the day, and that she must write for an
appointment.

THE CLERK. I'll ask her to explain her business to me. I ain't above
talking to a handsome young female when I get the chance [going].

AUGUSTUS. Stop. Does she seem to be a person of consequence?

THE CLERK. A regular marchioness, if you ask me.

AUGUSTUS. Hm! Beautiful, did you say?

THE CLERK. A human chrysanthemum, sir, believe me.

AUGUSTUS. It will be extremely inconvenient for me to see her; but the
country is in danger; and we must not consider our own comfort. Think
how our gallant fellows are suffering in the trenches! Show her up. [The
clerk makes for the door, whistling the latest popular ballad]. Stop
whistling instantly, sir. This is not a casino.

CLERK. Ain't it? You just wait till you see her. [He goes out.]

Augustus produces a mirror, a comb, and a pot of moustache pomade from
the drawer of the writing-table, and sits down before the mirror to pu