y. Colonist has had his heels put where his head
used to be, this some time past. He has had his legs tied, and his neck
properly greased, I tell _you_; and the way every parliament man, and
governor, and secretary, gallops round and round, one arter another, a
grabbin' at poor colonist, ain't no matter. Every new one on 'em that
comes, is confident he is a goin' to settle it; but it slips through his
hand, and off he goes, properly larfed at.

"'They have pretty nearly fixed goosey colonist, though; he has got his
neck wrung several times; it's twisted all a one side, his tongue hangs
out, and he squeaks piteous, that's a fact. Another good grab or two
will put him out o' pain; and it's a pity it wouldn't, for no created
critter can live long, turned wrong eend up, that way. But the sport
will last long arter that; for arter his neck is broke, it ain't no easy
matter to get the head off; the cords that tie that on, are as thick
as your finger. It's the greatest fun out there you ever see, _to all
except poor goosey colonist_.

"'I've larfed ready to kill myself at it. Some o' these Englishers that
come out, mounted for the sport, and expect a peerage as a reward for
bringin' home the head and settlin' the business for colonist, do cut
such figurs, it would make you split; and they are all so everlastin'
consaited, they won't take no advice. The way they can't do it is
cautionary. One gets throwed, another gets all covered with grease, a
third loses his hat, a fourth gets run away with by his horse, a fifth
sees he can't do it, makes some excuse, and leaves the ground afore the
sport is over; and now and then, an unfortunate critter gets a hyste
that breaks his own neck. There is only one on 'em that I have see'd out
there, that can do it right.

"It requires some experience, that's a fact. But let John Bull alone for
that; he is a critter that thinks he knows every thing; and if you told
him he didn't, he wouldn't believe you, not he. He'd only pity your
ignorance, and look dreadful sorry for you. Oh if you want to see high
life, come and see "a colonial gander pulling."

"'Tying up a goose, Sir, is no great harm,' sais I, 'seein' that a goose
was made to be killed, picked and devoured, and nothin' else. Tyin' up
a colonist by the heels is another thing. I don't think it right; but
I don't know nothin'; I've had the book too close to my eyes. Joe H--e,
that never was there, can tell you twice as much as I can about