'Sir,' a trampousin' and a
trapsein' over the wet grass agin (I should like to know what ain't wet
in this country), and ploughed fields, and wide ditches chock full of
dirty water, if you slip in, to souse you most ridikelous; and over
gates that's nailed up, and stiles that's got no steps for fear of
thoroughfare, and through underwood that's loaded with rain-drops, away
off to tother eend of the estate, to see the most beautiful field of
turnips that ever was seen, only the flies eat all the plants up; and
then back by another path, that's slumpier than t'other, and twice
as long, that you may see an old wall with two broke-out winders, all
covered with ivy, which is called a ruin. And well named it is, too, for
I tore a bran new pair of trousers, most onhandsum, a scramblin' over
the fences to see it, and ruined a pair of shoes that was all squashed
out of shape by the wet and mud.

"Well, arter all this day of pleasure, it is time to rig up in your
go-to-meetin' clothes for dinner; and that is the same as yesterday,
only stupider, if that's possible; and that is Life in the Country.

"How the plague can it be otherwise than dull? If there is nothin'
to see, there can't be nothin' to talk about. Now the town is full of
things to see. There is Babbage's machine, and Bank Governor's machine,
and the Yankee woman's machine, and the flyin' machine, and all sorts of
machines, and galleries, and tunnels, and mesmerisers, and theatres, and
flower-shows, and cattle-shows, and beast-shows, and every kind of show,
and what's better nor all, beautiful got-up women, and men turned out in
fust chop style, too.

"I don't mean to say country women ain't handsum here, 'cause they be.
There is no sun here; and how in natur' can it be otherways than that
they have good complexions. But it tante safe to be caged with them in
a house out o' town. Fust thing you both do, is to get spooney, makin'
eyes and company-faces at each other, and then think of matin', like
a pair of doves, and that won't answer for the like of you and me. The
fact is, Squire, if you want to see _women_, you musn't go to a house
in the country, nor to mere good company in town for it, tho' there
be first chop articles in both; but you must go among the big bugs the
top-lofty nobility, in London; for since the days of old marm Eve, down
to this instant present time, I don't think there ever was or ever will
be such splendiferous galls as is there. Lord, the fus