, he is so methodical! which means, there
is no young children in the house, and old aunty always puts things back
where she takes 'em from. For she is a good bit of stuff is aunty, as
thin, tough, and soople as a painter's palate knife. Oh, Lord! how I
would like to lick him with a bran new cow hide whip, round and round
the park, every day, an hour afore breakfast, to improve his wind, and
teach him how to mend his pace. I'd repair his old bellowses for him, I
know.

"Then look at the butler, how he tordles like a Terrapin; he has got the
gout, that feller, and no wonder, nother. Every decanter that comes in
has jist half a bottle in it, the rest goes in tastin', to see it aint
corked. His character would suffer if a bit o' cork floated in it. Every
other bottle is corked, so he drinks that bottle, and opens another, and
gives master half of it. The housekeeper pets him, calls him Mr., asks
him if he has heard from Sir Philip lately, hintin' that he is of gentle
blood, only the wrong side of the blanket, and that pleases him. They
are both well to do in the world. Vails count up in time, and they talk
big sometimes, when alone together, and hint at warnin' off the old
knight, marryin', and settin' up a tripe shop, some o' these days; don't
that hint about wedlock bring him a nice little hot supper that night,
and don't that little supper bring her a tumbler of nice mulled wine,
and don't both on 'em look as knowin' as a boiled codfish, and a shelled
oyster, that's all.

"He once got warned himself, did old Thomas, so said he, 'Where do you
intend to go master?' 'Me,' said the old man, scratchin' his head, and
lookin' puzzled 'nowhere.' 'Oh, I thought _you_ intend to leave, said
Thomas for _I_ don't.' 'Very good that, Thomas, come I like that.' The
old knight's got an anecdote by that, and nanny-goats aint picked
up every day in the country. He tells that to every stranger, every
stranger larfs, and the two parsons larf, and the old 'Sir' larfs so, he
wakes up an old sleepin' cough that most breaks his ribs, and Thomas is
set up for a character.

"Well, arter servants is gone, and women folks made themselves scarce,
we haul up closer to the table, have more room for legs, and then comes
the most interestin' part. Poor rates, quarter sessions, turnpikes,
corn-laws, next assizes, rail-roads and parish matters, with a touch
of the horse and dog between primo and secondo genitur, for variety. If
politics turn up, you ca