ody swore you
couldn't see your hand before your face, and I let the subject drop
right there. Mrs. Scraggs quar'led some among herself, but when I
come in her motto was, 'United we stand him on his head, and
divided we fall upon his neck.' When she done the last, of a still
day, you could hear the crack of my cervycal vertybree three mile.

"So, at last, I wearied. I writ a letter to the Elders tellin' 'em
I enjoyed the work, but thought it was time for my spirit of
self-sacrifice to exercise himself a little. So would they mind
givin' me another job? Somethin' like lyin' on a board and havin'
a doctor rip-saw chunks out of me for the benefit of Science, and
let him lose the pieces, for all I cared.

"The Mormon Church, she come to my relief by sendin' me out on a
proselytin' expedition to York State. But I wasn't built proper to
lead errin' sheep into the fold. Most of the sheep they hollered
'Baa!' when they see me, and gathered distance with both feet. If
I did get a chance to talk to a man he always asked me awkward
questions. Like one old farmer, whilest I was explainin' the
advantages of havin' as many helpmates and cheerful companions and
domestic joys as possible, busts into me by takin' holt of my coat
and askin' so confidential I couldn't lie to him, 'How do you find
it yourself?'

"'The Lord be good to fools!' says I. 'You got _one_ now, ain't
you?'

"''M ya-a-as,' says he, without anything you could figger as wild
enthusiasm in his voice; 'I hev.'

"'Well,' says I, 'multiply one by eighteen, and let's have a drink.'

"'I had to send word to the Elders that Books of Mormon weren't
looked upon as popular readin' in the outlyin' districts, so should
I come home, or try New York City? They sends me word back,
wishin' my work to prosper, to try New York City, but not to draw
on 'em for any more funds until I had a saved sinner or two to show
for it. Well, sir, this last clause jolted me. I had spent money
free among them farmers, to boom trade, and for the purchasin' of
fancy clothes, more to look at than be comfortable in, the idee
bein' to show how good a thing the Church of Mormon was to the
first glance of the eye. And now, after side-trackin' my railroad
fare home, I weren't wadin' in wealth, by no means. More'n that, I
understood that the city of New York was a much more expensive
place than St. Looey. So I writ a letter back, tellin' 'em I was
scatterin' seed so's you could hardly