andahoovian outrage.'

"'Now,' says she, eager, 'that's just what I think.'

"'Madam,' says I, bowin', 'I'm enchanted to see such a spirit--I'll
think kindly of turnips from this day on. Let us prescribe for
ourselves once more--the directions say take one every three
minutes until you feel better. Besides, you got to help me, and
you'll need your strength. My duties demand that I leave here by
the night freight, but before that----' And I give her her
directions. She jumped up and hustled out, as young as ever she
was.

"Then I went up to the telegrapher. 'Where can I buy some toys and
truck, to come out on Number Three?' says I.

"He didn't pay no attention.

"I reached in and took him gently by the hair, drawin' him part way
through his cubby-hole so's he could hear plain.

"'My young friend,' says I, 'is it any part of your notion that I
grew up on cabbages? Does it please your youthful fancy to picture
me picketed out to grass, and chewin' my cud on a sunny slope?'

"'Ow!' says he. 'Leggo m' hair!'

"'You are now in the hands of E. G. W. Scraggs,' says I, 'an honor
which I shall give you cause to appreciate if you don't lend me
your ears to what I say. Do you think you can hear me now?'

"'Yes, sir. Oh, yessir, yessir,' says he.

"'Good,' says I. 'Then telegraph to the first place east to send
one hundred dollars' worth of toys out here on Number Three.
Here's your money.'

"Well, he picked away, and then we waited. Bimeby we got the
foolishest kind of answer: 'What sort of toys? How much of each?'
etc.

"'Michael and the Archangels all,' says I, 'how am I supposed to
know? Ain't that part of a toy-shop man's business? Here, young
man, you tick-tack 'em that I want toys--children's toys--to use up
one hundred plunks--I want 'em on Number Three--and if they don't
arrive I will. I will arrive in their little old toy-shop and play
with them till they holler for ma. Tell 'em I never felt more
impatient in my life than I am this minute, and that I'm getting
more so per each and every clock tick. Mention the name of Zeke
Scraggs, so they won't think it's Mr. Anonymous behavin' frivolous.
Tell 'em I mean every word of it. Go on; do it.'

"So he did.

"Then comes a sensible answer: 'Goods go forward by Number Three.'

"'Sure,' says I. 'ill you join me?'

"'I certainly will,' says he, and bimeby he cried because I looked
so like his father, who was just the same kind of short, thick