crossed my mind to draft a set of rules as an improvement on the
Almighty's. There's where you put it all over me. I have held up
a train to hear what the passengers would say, but lackin' the
advantages that has doubtless been yours, I duck when it comes to
reformin' Heaven.

"'It struck me with the force of a revelation when I arrived at
your glowin' mertroppollus this afternoon that to make any human
bein', particlerly children, forget for a time that they lived in
Oggsouash was a religious duty. I have therefore furnished a few
trifles for the purpose. I move you, ladies and gentlemen, that we
turn this Christmas Eve into a Pagan festival. All in favor of
this motion will keep their seats--contrary minded will please
rise,' and I cocked both guns.

"'Carried, unanimous,' says I. 'Now, please let each young person
come forward as his, her, or its name is called. I shall be
severely displeased if you don't.'

"Then I read from the list the lady had furnished me, and the kids
come up. The last party on the list was a little gal that had been
poppin' up an' down like a prairie-dog, fearin' she was goin' to
git left, and when at last I sings out 'Annabella Angelina
Hugginswat!' here she come, her eyes snatched wide open by the two
little pigtails that stuck out behind, walkin' knock-kneed and
circular, as some little girls does, and stiff er'n a poker in her
j'ints from scart-to-death and gladness.

"'Angelina,' says I, pickin' up the big doll-baby I'd saved for
her, 'you must be the fond parient of this child,' says I. 'Raise
it kindly; teach it that it's been damned since the year of our
Lord B. C. 7604; feed it vegetables, Angelina, and keep it away
from strong drink, even if you have to use force.'

"Angelina, she didn't mind my pursyflage, but she just stood there
quiverin' all over, lookin' at her prize.

"'Ith that my dolly?' she says.

"'That's your sure-enough dolly, little gal,' I says.

"She took hold of it--her little arms was stiff as railroad ties
and her hands was cold.

"She looked at me again and whispered: "'Ith that my dolly,
_really_, _truly_, mithter?'

"She looked so darned funny standin' there that I grabbed her right
up and kissed her.

"'If anybody tries to take that dolly away from you, you let _me_
know--skip!' says I, and down the aisle she runs hollerin': 'Oh,
papa, papa! Thee my dolly!' Seems she didn't have no mother, poor
little thing.

"Well, sir, old human n