ow?'

"'Don't abuse the poor cuss,' says I. 'He really couldn't help
it.' Then I had an inspiration. Several times in my life I've
been afflicted that way. 'See here,' says I, 'he took his dose
through the nose. Why don't you give him the remedy the same way?
Try a pinch of that Scotch snuff.'

"'Why, sure!' says Hadds. He'd tried anythin' at that stage of the
game.

"Well, dear friends and brothers, it ain't down in the
farmer-coop-here, nor no other agriculcheral reports, and I dunno
as you could bank on it in every case, but from what I see on this
occasion, if you ever happen to have a friend or relative that's
over-indulged in choreform and can't seem to recall himself, wait
till he takes a deep breath, and mix about an ounce of Scotch snuff
in his air supply. It may work wonders.

"'Hoor-rash-o!' says the Major, comin' to a sittin' position.
'Hoor-rash-o!' says he again, and then he went off like a pack of
firecrackers. A sneeze wouldn't more'n get fairly started before
another'd explode in the middle of it. And the Major was as
powerful a sneezer as he was talker. Gee! them bass sneezes of his
sounded like a freight-engine exhaust. Mind you, he didn't open
his eyes; just sat there, covered with carmine and soothin' syrup,
rockin' backward and forrard and sneezin' like George Washington.
There was somethin' kind of horrible about it. Me 'n' Hadds looked
on petrified.

"Then, 'Oh, my poor husband! What are they doin' to you?' says a
v'ice behind us, and the Majoress skipped across the floor and fell
on the Major. That's the word for it; she let go all holts an'
dropped, gatherin' him up in her arms.

"'What did you say, Willie?' she asks.

"'Hoor-rash-o!' says the Major. 'A-kissh-uuu! ha-ha-hrrrum-pah!
A-ketcheer! Aketcher-hisssh-hoor-rash-o!'

"Now, Hadds, when he see the lady weepin' that way, was all broke
up. He didn't know about Keno's goblet full of whiskey, so he
thought it was genuine emotion.

"'Don't cry, ma'am,' says he. ''Twill be all right in a minute.
That red's nothin' but carmine and simple syrup--it'll all come out
in the wash, and sneezin's good for the man.'

"The Mayoress she rose and looked at Hadds. There was a glare in
her eye more'n human. I read in a book once about the tremenjous
dignity of the lady the trouble was all about. It didn't seem
reasonable any female person could act that way till I see the
Majoress. She had dignity enough for two maiden la