ught by the whole world, and have glory and
triumph every time one sings. And at last to become a duchess, and
to have the duke whom I have loved a long while, and be received
and admired by everybody. To be rich on my own account and through
my husband; to be able to say that I am not a plebeian by birth,
like all the celebrities--that is the life, that is the happiness I
desire. If I can become his wife without being a cantatrice, I shall
be equally well pleased, but I believe that is the only way I shall
be able to attract him.

Oh, if that could be! My God! Thou hast made me find in what way I
shall be able to obtain what I ask. Oh! Lord! Aid me, I place all my
hopes in Thee. Thou alone canst do all things, canst render me
happy. Thou hast made me understand that it is through my voice I
can obtain what I seek. Then it is upon my voice that I must fix all
my thoughts, I must cultivate, watch, and guard it. I swear to
Thee, O Lord, no longer to sing or scream as I used to do.

On leaving the H----'s, I was wrapped in an ermine cloak. I thought
I looked very well. If I became a duchess, a cloak like that would
suit me. I am growing too presumptuous. Because I put on an ermine
cloak, I imagine that I am a queen.

Monday, our day. We have plenty of callers. I went in only a minute
to ask Mamma something, in my character of a little girl. Before
entering I looked at myself in the mirror hanging there: I was
good-looking, rosy, fair, pretty.

Suppose I should write everything I think and everything I intend to
do when I grow up, everything I mean to forget, and everything that
is extraordinary? A dinner service of transparent glass. On one side
a certain costume and arrangement of the hair; on the other side a
different costume and a different arrangement of the hair, so that
on one side I shall be one person, and on the other side another. To
give a dinner by letters. I have determined to end this book, for
extravagant ideas rarely come to me in these days.

March 14th, 1873.

I saw Madame V---- on the Promenade. I was so glad, not on her own
account--yes, a little, but because all these people remind me of
Baden.

There I could see the Duc, because he spent nearly all his time out
of doors, but it did me no good, for I was a child. If I could be at
Baden _now_ for a summer! O, dear! When I think that Grandpapa made
his acquaintance in a shop. If I could have foreseen, I should have
continued that acquaintanc