Toulon we met C---- and took her with us. Mamma and the S----'s
were waiting for us at the station. The grown-ups took a cab, and we
entered our carriage.

We went to the opera. I wore a white barege costume made a little
like a night-gown--open in front, as if by chance, and confined at
the waist by a wide sash like a child's. We laughed heartily in
spite of the general dulness.

I returned stupid, indifferent. It is the most detestable condition.
I would rather weep. I don't love him. I hate him with all the
strength with which I might have loved him. Nothing in the world
effaces the resentment I have once felt.

Do you remember all that is wounding and terrible expressed in the
one word "scorn"?

_I_ understand, I who remember the slap my brother gave me more than
twelve years ago, at whose recollection I am still as furious as if
I had received it now; I who have kept a sort of hatred of my,
brother on account of that childish affront. It was my only blow,
but to make up for it, I have given a goodly number and to
everybody. There was so much wickedness in my eyes that, when I
looked in the glass, I was frightened by it. Everything can be
pardoned except scorn. I would forgive a cruelty, a fit of passion,
insults uttered in a moment of anger, even an infidelity, when
people return and still love, but scorn--!

Monday, November 29th, 1875.

We went out at three o'clock. I who came to Nice in search of fine
weather encountered Parisian cold. I wore an otter skin hat, made in
the style of a baby hood, and my big sable pelisse covered with
white cloth. The costume created a sensation, and my face did not
look ugly, in spite of my fatigue.

I am so happy to be at home in my own house. I am sleeping in my
big dressing room. My chamber will be ready in a month; I shall find
it finished on my return from Rome. I am thinking only of that, of
having my carriage, of spending a month in Nice, of continuing the
studies I shall have begun in Rome, of following my professor's
directions, and then of going to Russia. So many things have
suffered, so much money has been lost because we failed to take our
journey. There was a crowd to hear the band play. General B---- and
V---- were near us. A---- was near the carriage.

"Are you going to stay long in Nice?"

"A week."

"Are you going away again?"

"Why, yes," replied my aunt.

"And where?"

"To Rome."

"Yes, to Rome," I added.

"But you do nothing but travel