piness was
only a dream! I spoke of it to members of the family, I laughed at
myself, to conceal my joy and my love for him. He talked with me
tenderly. Not exactly, but I know what I mean. He was not precisely
like himself, smaller and not so handsome. I thought I had reached
port, but, on waking, I find myself in the open sea and in the midst
of the tempest, as I was yesterday and shall be for a long time,
perhaps, until he comes to lead me on board. That is a commonplace
phrase, but it well expresses what I wish to say and I use it. Then
an hour's practice on the piano. Then to the Promenade.
Mademoiselle de G---- wore a broad-brimmed grey felt hat, turned up
at one side. O, how I would like a hat like that! It is so graceful.
I would like a hat like that, and the same style of gown. It brings
back the young ladies of former days, tall, well-formed, slender,
beautiful. One would say that I am raving over a gown as I do over
the man I love.

Tuesday, April 8th.

I had a geography lesson to-day. While looking for a city in
America, my eyes were attracted by this tragical name: H---- island
in the Arctic Ocean. It seemed as if a thunderbolt had struck me, I
did not feel the earth under my feet. My heart beat violently, I was
completely upset. Can I doubt that I love him? If he knew it! But,
with God's assistance he will know it some day. God is so good. He
has given me all I have possessed up to the present moment.

* * * * *

Mademoiselle C---- scolded me to-day because people looked at me too
much on the Promenade. While returning from church we talked about
religion--then went on to the Duc de H----. Mademoiselle C---- said:

"What associates he has! To-day he is with the H----'s."

I want to describe conversations better. The Duc de H---- was
discussed. I defended him warmly, but I have seen that I went too
far.

Good Friday.

At church, when we went to kiss the tomb of Christ, I looked at all
the faces and suddenly _his_ appeared as if he were there in
person. Never has it presented itself so distinctly. This time I saw
it as if it were himself. At this apparition my heart beat
violently, and I began to pray. I wanted to recall this beloved
face, but in vain. I no longer see it.

At this vision, an idea came to me. There were a great many flowers
near the tomb. I took a daisy. The flower is holy, it was near our
Saviour. It will tell me whether our desires will be rea