to keep them. This is like giving an
I.O.U., under protest of non-liability for the amount; a coarse and
clumsy mode of shirking responsibility, and, what is worse, an
ineffectual one, being impracticable in law. A far preferable device
would be that of printing the hours in large letters with the
qualification of "somewhere about" prefixed in very small. By this
expedient the appearance of contradicting an engagement would be
presented without the reality, and the comfort of security would attend
the advantage of swindling.

* * * * *

RIVAL REAPING-MACHINES.

We hear a great deal about the merits of some rival reaping-machines,
but we know of nothing that can equal in the force of rivalry those
wonderful reaping-machines--a barrister's tongue, and a physician's
finger and thumb; which are the means used by both in reaping their
tremendous harvests.

* * * * *

AN IMPERIAL SWEEP.

We believe there is a species of long broom, called "a Turk's Head." Now
we should say, that the EMPEROR OF RUSSIA would soon make a clean sweep
of the Mohammedan Church, Empire and all, if the Sultan would but only
put the "Turk's Head" in his hands.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HOW COOL AND NICE THE FRENCH-POLISHED FLOORS ARE;
BUT--UGH!--OH DEAR!--HOW HARD!"]

* * * * *

QUEEN CHRISTINA IN ENGLAND.

QUEEN DOWAGER CHRISTINA--who has brightened our darkened land with the
lustre of her presence--is sedulously studying all our London
institutions, in order to do her best to take back and naturalise copies
thereof in Spain. She has already visited the Bank of England, and
exhibited the most interesting astonishment on learning that the
dividends were regularly paid to the public creditor. At first she
received the intelligence laughingly, as a bit of heavy _badinage_, the
best joke that the dull English could get up for her. However, the
Governor of the Bank of England, having gravely assured HER MAJESTY that
the Bank regularly paid the public creditor--he moreover produced the
books in testimony of the pleasing fact--CHRISTINA, as an ex-queen and a
lady, with a frank smile and a graceful curtsey, avowed her belief in
the singular custom.

CHRISTINA, though still handsome and by no means old, is nevertheless
addicted to serious meditation. It is said that, in token of her
contempt of all worldly fopperies,