With face for every foe;--
The Vestry's lord--its law my word--
I deal my "aye" and "no:"--
On Boards of Health I glide by stealth,
All new lights out to blow.

As Alderman, whene'er I can
The civic roast I rule;
My fingers fold all icy-cold
Round Charity and School;
From off the Bench, Law's sword I wrench,
And make the blade my tool.

From high St. Paul's my vision falls
Upon a world of slaves;
That foul line rounds my kingdom's bounds
With intramural graves;
Yon pall of smoke, that Heaven doth choke--
'Tis my black flag that waves!

As Kings of old, when they would hold
A Progress through the land,
Had hunting-seat or palace meet
Still ready at command;
So seats are mine, where lodgings line,
Garnished and swept do stand--

'Tis where doth stream the foetid steam
From the bone-boiler's vat,
The knacker's yard, which penned and barred,
Sends out its odours fat;
The slaughter-vault, whence, ne'er at fault,
Peereth the carrion rat.

In tanneries' stink, on cesspools' brink,
I sit and sleep and snuff;
The fever's breath brings me no death,
I hold such terrors stuff;
The odours flung from Smithfield dung
To me smell sweet enough.

I've my own graves to take the slaves
Whom 'tis my mood to kill;
The parish may the cost defray,
Full pits my pockets ill.
I've gains allowed from shell and shroud--
Each pauper brings his bill!

When of my field an inch I yield,
I yield it nothing loath;
The vacant spot is straight a plot
For Compensation's growth--
That vigorous weed whose fruitful seed
I sow and harvest both.

While thus I rule, the good old school
Rebellious spirits tames:
My sway supports in camps and courts--
One shape of many names!
Who dares make fight 'gainst Vested Right?
Who dares gainsay my claims?

* * * * *

SOLUTION OF HAUNTED HOUSES.

A Haunted House is a tenement of any number of ordinary stories, to
which is added an extraordinary one, in the form of a Ghost Story.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE GREAT MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT--FAIR PLAY FOR THE BAKER.]

* * * * *

A NEW DEPARTMENT OF FLUNKEYISM.

One of our contemporaries--the _Observer_--not satisfied with
registering the mere dinner-givings, _dejeuners_, migrations, and
marriages