it."

"But," said the Officer, still smiling, "it was a stuffed Thug."

In attempting to express his gratification, the Chief of Police thrust
out his right hand with such violence that his skin was ruptured at the
arm-pit and a stream of sawdust poured from the wound. He was a stuffed
Chief of Police.

The Conscientious Official

While a Division Superintendent of a railway was attending closely to his
business of placing obstructions on the track and tampering with the
switches he received word that the President of the road was about to
discharge him for incompetency.

"Good Heavens!" he cried; "there are more accidents on my division than
on all the rest of the line."

"The President is very particular," said the Man who brought him the
news; "he thinks the same loss of life might be effected with less damage
to the company's property."

"Does he expect me to shoot passengers through the car windows?"
exclaimed the indignant official, spiking a loose tie across the rails.
"Does he take me for an assassin?"

How Leisure Came

A Man to Whom Time Was Money, and who was bolting his breakfast in order
to catch a train, had leaned his newspaper against the sugar-bowl and was
reading as he ate. In his haste and abstraction he stuck a pickle-fork
into his right eye, and on removing the fork the eye came with it. In
buying spectacles the needless outlay for the right lens soon reduced him
to poverty, and the Man to Whom Time Was Money had to sustain life by
fishing from the end of a wharf.

The Moral Sentiment

A Pugilist met the Moral Sentiment of the Community, who was carrying a
hat-box. "What have you in the hat-box, my friend?" inquired the
Pugilist.

"A new frown," was the answer. "I am bringing it from the frownery--the
one over there with the gilded steeple."

"And what are you going to do with the nice new frown?" the Pugilist
asked.

"Put down pugilism--if I have to wear it night and day," said the Moral
Sentiment of the Community, sternly.

"That's right," said the Pugilist, "that is right, my good friend; if
pugilism had been put down yesterday, I wouldn't have this kind of Nose
to-day. I had a rattling hot fight last evening with--"

"Is that so?" cried the Moral Sentiment of the Community, with sudden
animation. "Which licked? Sit down here on the hat-box and tell me all
about it!"

The Politicians

An Old Politician and a Young Politician were t