ublic servants have been fools and rogues from the date of your
accession to power," replied the State; "my legislative bodies, both
State and municipal, are bands of thieves; my taxes are insupportable; my
courts are corrupt; my cities are a disgrace to civilisation; my
corporations have their hands at the throats of every private
interest--all my affairs are in disorder and criminal confusion."

"That is all very true," said the Republican Form of Government, putting
on its hobnail shoes; "but consider how I thrill you every Fourth of
July."

The Life Saver

An Ancient Maiden, standing on the edge of a wharf near a Modern Swain,
was overheard rehearsing the words:

"Noble preserver! The life that you have saved is yours!"

Having repeated them several times with various intonations, she sprang
into the water, where she was suffered to drown.

"I am a noble preserver," said the Modern Swain, thoughtfully moving
away; "the life that I have saved is indeed mine."

The Man and the Bird

A Man with a Shotgun said to a Bird:

"It is all nonsense, you know, about shooting being a cruel sport. I put
my skill against your cunning-that is all there is of it. It is a fair
game."

"True," said the Bird, "but I don't wish to play."

"Why not?" inquired the Man with a Shotgun.

"The game," the Bird replied, "is fair as you say; the chances are about
even; but consider the stake. I am in it for you, but what is there in
it for me?"

Not being prepared with an answer to the question, the Man with a Shotgun
sagaciously removed the propounder.

From the Minutes

An Orator afflicted with atrophy of the organ of common-sense rose in his
place in the halls of legislation and pointed with pride to his Unblotted
Escutcheon. Seeing what it supposed to be the finger of scorn pointed at
it, the Unblotted Escutcheon turned black with rage. Seeing the
Unblotted Escutcheon turning black with what he supposed to be the record
of his own misdeeds showing through the whitewash, the Orator fell dead
of mortification. Seeing the Orator fall dead of what they supposed to
be atrophy of the organ of common-sense, his colleagues resolved that
whenever they should adjourn because they were tired, it should be out of
respect to the memory of him who had so frequently made them so.

Three of a Kind

A Lawyer in whom an instinct of justice had survived the wreck of his
ignorance of law was retained