enterprise
will enable me to obtain a long, low, black schooner, raise a death's-
head flag and engage in commerce on the high seas. From my gains in that
business I can pay for the Presidency, which at $50,000 a year will give
me in four years--" but it took him so long to make the calculation that
the bill to subsidise cat-ranches passed without his vote, and he was
compelled to return to his constituents an honest man, tormented with a
clean conscience.

King Log and King Stork

The People being dissatisfied with a Democratic Legislature, which stole
no more than they had, elected a Republican one, which not only stole all
they had but exacted a promissory note for the balance due, secured by a
mortgage upon their hope of death.

The Wolf Who Would Be a Lion

A Foolish Fellow who had been told that he was a great man believed it,
and got himself appointed a Commissioner to the Interasylum Exposition of
Preserved Idiots. At the first meeting of the Board he was mistaken for
one of the exhibits, and the janitor was ordered to remove him to his
appropriate glass case.

"Alas!" he exclaimed as he was carried out, "why was I not content to
remain where the cut of my forehead is so common as to be known as the
Pacific Slope?"

The Monkey and the Nuts

A Certain City desiring to purchase a site for a public Deformatory
procured an appropriation from the Government of the country. Deeming
this insufficient for purchase of the site and payment of reasonable
commissions to themselves, the men in charge of the matter asked for a
larger sum, which was readily given. Believing that the fountain could
not be dipped dry, they applied for still more and more yet. Wearied at
last by their importunities, the Government said it would be damned if it
gave anything. So it gave nothing and was damned all the harder.

The Boys and the Frogs

Some editors of newspapers were engaged in diffusing general intelligence
and elevating the moral sentiment of the public. They had been doing
this for some time, when an Eminent Statesman stuck his head out of the
pool of politics, and, speaking for the members of his profession, said:

"My friends, I beg you will desist. I know you make a great deal of
money by this kind of thing, but consider the damage you inflict upon the
business of others!"

***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FANTASTIC FABLES***

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