of
his consciousness.

It had begun to get dusk when Rakitin, crossing the pine copse from the
hermitage to the monastery, suddenly noticed Alyosha, lying face downwards
on the ground under a tree, not moving and apparently asleep. He went up
and called him by his name.

"You here, Alexey? Can you have--" he began wondering but broke off. He had
meant to say, "Can you have come to this?"

Alyosha did not look at him, but from a slight movement Rakitin at once
saw that he heard and understood him.

"What's the matter?" he went on; but the surprise in his face gradually
passed into a smile that became more and more ironical.

"I say, I've been looking for you for the last two hours. You suddenly
disappeared. What are you about? What foolery is this? You might just look
at me..."

Alyosha raised his head, sat up and leaned his back against the tree. He
was not crying, but there was a look of suffering and irritability in his
face. He did not look at Rakitin, however, but looked away to one side of
him.

"Do you know your face is quite changed? There's none of your famous
mildness to be seen in it. Are you angry with some one? Have they been
ill-treating you?"

"Let me alone," said Alyosha suddenly, with a weary gesture of his hand,
still looking away from him.

"Oho! So that's how we are feeling! So you can shout at people like other
mortals. That is a come-down from the angels. I say, Alyosha, you have
surprised me, do you hear? I mean it. It's long since I've been surprised
at anything here. I always took you for an educated man...."

Alyosha at last looked at him, but vaguely, as though scarcely
understanding what he said.

"Can you really be so upset simply because your old man has begun to
stink? You don't mean to say you seriously believed that he was going to
work miracles?" exclaimed Rakitin, genuinely surprised again.

"I believed, I believe, I want to believe, and I will believe, what more
do you want?" cried Alyosha irritably.

"Nothing at all, my boy. Damn it all! why, no schoolboy of thirteen
believes in that now. But there.... So now you are in a temper with your
God, you are rebelling against Him; He hasn't given promotion, He hasn't
bestowed the order of merit! Eh, you are a set!"

Alyosha gazed a long while with his eyes half closed at Rakitin, and there
was a sudden gleam in his eyes ... but not of anger with Rakitin.

"I am not rebelling against my God; I simply 'don't accept His worl