ke that. It's a lesson to me.... She is more loving than we....
Have you heard her speak before of what she has just told us? No, you
haven't; if you had, you'd have understood her long ago ... and the person
insulted the day before yesterday must forgive her, too! She will, when
she knows ... and she shall know.... This soul is not yet at peace with
itself, one must be tender with it ... there may be a treasure in that
soul...."

Alyosha stopped, because he caught his breath. In spite of his ill-humor
Rakitin looked at him with astonishment. He had never expected such a
tirade from the gentle Alyosha.

"She's found some one to plead her cause! Why, are you in love with her?
Agrafena Alexandrovna, our monk's really in love with you, you've made a
conquest!" he cried, with a coarse laugh.

Grushenka lifted her head from the pillow and looked at Alyosha with a
tender smile shining on her tear-stained face.

"Let him alone, Alyosha, my cherub; you see what he is, he is not a person
for you to speak to. Mihail Osipovitch," she turned to Rakitin, "I meant
to beg your pardon for being rude to you, but now I don't want to.
Alyosha, come to me, sit down here." She beckoned to him with a happy
smile. "That's right, sit here. Tell me," she shook him by the hand and
peeped into his face, smiling, "tell me, do I love that man or not? the
man who wronged me, do I love him or not? Before you came, I lay here in
the dark, asking my heart whether I loved him. Decide for me, Alyosha, the
time has come, it shall be as you say. Am I to forgive him or not?"

"But you have forgiven him already," said Alyosha, smiling.

"Yes, I really have forgiven him," Grushenka murmured thoughtfully. "What
an abject heart! To my abject heart!" She snatched up a glass from the
table, emptied it at a gulp, lifted it in the air and flung it on the
floor. The glass broke with a crash. A little cruel line came into her
smile.

"Perhaps I haven't forgiven him, though," she said, with a sort of menace
in her voice, and she dropped her eyes to the ground as though she were
talking to herself. "Perhaps my heart is only getting ready to forgive. I
shall struggle with my heart. You see, Alyosha, I've grown to love my
tears in these five years.... Perhaps I only love my resentment, not him
..."

"Well, I shouldn't care to be in his shoes," hissed Rakitin.

"Well, you won't be, Rakitin, you'll never be in his shoes. You shall
black my shoes, Rakitin, that's